The Journey

This man's concept of journey in his crazy mind

 

I felt no turbulence in the squelching heat of this bright summer day. I set forth on journey, armed with just a gallon of water; I am out to find my true love.

 

I stepped on the pavement, leading to the avenue, as the baking sun reflected a wave of heat. The sudden coloring of my face indicated the treacherous path ahead. I could feel the fierce energy of the molten tar, seeping between my toes.

I took my second step; a knee jerk reaction, which propelled me like dancing rhythm as I spin to regain my footing.  Oh the pain, but yet the comfort as the penetrating heat meets bone.

I couldn’t go any further until I’ve quenched my thirst, with so pure spring water.   As I guzzled down a half gallon of water I felt refreshed; as the coolness left behind with the evaporation energized my cells.

 
As I took my third step; the sun radiated by the cirrus clouds created a dripping sensation in the form of steam, like a well tuned piston driven engine.

 

 

Finally on my fourth step; I reached the other side of the road, where the crystal blue lake harbored serenity and peace of mind, a resting place for those long journeys such as the one I just embarked on.

I lay down on the warm sand as the cushion relaxed the body and soul. I could feel each toe embracing the frosty water as the waves rushed to me.  A sonic blast of cool air released each time the ocean met the land, as I drifted back.

Echoing of soft steps in the sand pleasured my ears.  A beautiful woman has come to see me with a harmonious grin.  Overwhelmed by her heart-warming motion and her loving smile, I froze.

She dropped, onto my chest, stared in my face and asked “How was your journey?” with a devious smile.

 

“It was hot, long and I thought I couldn’t go on.” I said with a corny smile.

 

As her perched lips rang out like a wind sung chime she said “yes, I watch you walk the entire 60 feet and guess what? You’re still late…as her fingers met my cheek.

Reviews

[THERISA]

Raphy, you have such a descriptive way in expressing the conditions which your protagist has battle to get to shade out of the blazing sun. One can feel the sardonic voice of the female companion to the male, with her simple dialogue with him. Turning a journey from the house to the pool into an epic journey of all times. Thanks for sharing this story with us.

Therisa

[Wildfleour]

Dropping on your chest when you've journeyed so long and are so thirsty? Hasn't that woman any sympathy at all? (smile)

Great write........

[[untitled]]

This is very good! I loved the imagery! The battle to get out of the sun and then the little twist at the end was all very well writtern!

Great piece. I like how the end twists and ends perfectly.

It is like watching a soda commercial, they show the slow carbonation forming its bubbles from the bottom, moving up through the sexy bottle (coca cola bottles or Virgin soda), and when they get to the head, the cap is twisted and releases a hissing noise. (The same noise would usually be disturbing to hear while you're driving, as you would feel paranoid about your car tires)

Great choice of words and form. This is a great piece

[Annalisa]

Oooh. I liked this one... I like this one a lot. ^^ I saw a few small errors, they're below, but I think this is my favorite thing that you've written. It was lovely ^^

I set forth to journey, armed with just a gallon of water; I am out to find my true love.--------> THis was awkward, Perhaps if you said "I set for on my journey..."?

Oh the pain but yet the comfort as the penetrating heat meets bone.----to----> Oh the pain, but yet the comfort as the penetrating heat meets bone.

She dropped to my chest,------> She dropped to my chest implies she dropped on top of your chest, and I don't think that is what you were trying to say o.O