If not, then why?

Why the show

 

If not, then why?

If not, then why…

            Does the ocean so blue provide a clearer view?

            That can only be seen by an unknown who

            The creatures they swim, so deep in the pool

            Chasing their prey in large water schools

            Jumping in the air, with their mouths open wide

            Diving back down, with their tails waving bye

 

            Does the warm water rise, in a eerie colored mist?

            Twirling around, from the dark abyss

            Pushing along with churning winds

            Outer clouds forming with a counter clock spin

            Hostile it seems, it’s all in vein

            Down pour blankets with drenching rains

            An eye that is open, with a penetrating view

            Like something is watching and is looking for you

 

            Does the garden of beauty, have a sense of grace?

            As the color symbols, like the human race

            Do the trees so tall, brush by the clouds?

            Screaming to echo, just a tad bit loud

            The fields so high, with an abundant green

            You have to wonder, how they can be seen

 

            Does the ground reach up to kiss the heavens?

             The days I wonder, they say it took seven

            Mounds of soil, cake the baring surface

            While frozen precipitation, signifies a purpose

            Trickling down the trenching path

            moving the earth with a chocolate bath

            Filling the river, with rocks and debris

            Forming channels, out to the sea

 

            Do the birds fly by, carpeting the sky?

            Even their young, have learn to fly

            So many varieties,  cannot be explain

            Never the one, is exactly the same

             

            If not the only one’s

                        Then why the spectacular sun

            With the laminating glow

                        Watching and wondering, who’s next to go

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Some more food for thought

Reviews

[Ronda]

I love this poem, the feeling of it is amazing. I am from a marine town in Alaska and this reeks of ghoulish and mysterious maritime myths.

One thing I did notice is that the questions marks are missing here and there when questions are asked:
ex:
"Does the garden of beauty, have a sense of grace
As the color symbols, like the human race"

All the sentences starting with Do or Does, to me signify a question.


Also, stanza four and five both end with sky in the first line, which sort of messes with the flow of the poem, like a deja vu thing.

Then one more thing.... stanza five has a sentence sort of hanging out there on its own with no rhyme which is odd as all the other sentences rhyme.

"Does the ground reach up, to kiss the sky"

Just a flow thing.


This poem is amazing! I love this, I honestly would not change any imagry at all. It is beautiful and shows you as a real talent. What was your inspiration for this? Sounds like you might be intimatly familiar with the ocean. Very good! Love, love, LOVE the font... it is perfect and makes me feel flowing like the water.

[James Takeo Panton]

This is an excellent peom, and well-scripted to boot!

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

I loved this , Ralphy. very unique and flowed wonderfully.

one thing i noticed though
"Do the birds fly by, carpeting the sky
Even their young, have learn to fly
So many varieties, cannot be explain
Never the one, is exactly the same"

So many varieties, cannot be explain... should be "explained". But it may throw off the rhyming so my suggestion would be "no one can explain" seems like the only thing i can come up with.

Other than that, this is a great write.

[Michael X]

ralphy, good work in my opinion, you catch the reader with passionate imagery presented nicely,
expressed as a delving introspect, as well as clarity as the form itself took on a life of its own,
which struck me as crafty and well devised, being food for thought, many images draw the reader to
ponder, beginning with the opening sentence, the "why" aspect, in general contemplation,
reading this reminded me of a metaphorical walk in nature, down the path of enlightenment, nice job!

I like the perspective being presented.

The form and use of words work very well with the concept. There is good rhythm as well.

It is a poem that encourages, and convinces to move on and go forward optimistically.

A wonderful read.

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

This is very philosophical, It was definatly interesting to read and very nice to have something that makes you question everything. Thank you.

"with rocks and debre" --- Here I think you mean debris. Debre is a medical term.

"Never the one, is exactly the same" --- I absolutely love this line. I think it is very strong and adds much to your poem.

[Dark Daughters]

a very thought inspiring poem great job!

[Annalisa]

I like the changes, it reads much smoother now. Though I did spot three typos (though two of them are the same just in different places).

First: You need to change "from the darken abyss"----to----> "from the dark abyss", or something like that, but darken is the wrong tense for what you are trying to say and the sentence structure you've chosen.

Secondly: You only use dose when you are talking about you have a 3rd person singular subject, but when the subject is plural, like it is in the lines "Does the trees so tall" and "Does the birds fly by", then you use "Do" instead of "Dose".

Sorry to be a grammar nazi, but the poem is much smother and is a lovely read. Yeay! Good work!

from the darken abyss

[Annalisa]

Herm. This poem was different, and there were parts of it that i liked (for example I absolutely loved the 5 lines, those were amazing and very powerful), but I felt like the poem was consistent through out. It fades from strong to week to strong again... almost as if certain lines were forced and didn't just flow into the poem.

There were two things that were a little awkward and you might want to look at again. The first being the repeat of " if not then why" in the second line...it's redundant and slightly strange. The other line was "The creatures they swim so deep in the pool". You either need to do something to the word they, or put a comma after creatures. That line was very hard to read and I had to reread it a few time before it sounded right.

But, like I said. I LOVED LOVED LOVED the ending. Which is the most important thing of any piece of writing, because if the ending sucks then it doesn't matter what the rest of the piece says, the reader is left with disappointment. So good job on such a power ending.