Lovely Burns

Indulge upon my restless dreams

grandeur of past and present kings

dither not, my rapture keep

make blithe my heart, elated keep

the deeper burns love doth leave behind

fresh upon the skin, remain

a sweet reminder of some past flame

and blistered skin, to crack again

fear not, the burns are beauty yet

and stay, I shall, to judge you naught

to cool the skin and warm thy soul

perhaps, tis' I, you always sought

a sweet reminder of some past flame

and blistered skin, to crack again

to know thy mind is to love thy heart

to love thy heart is to accept thy burns

you push away, you fear a flame

to kindle searing words, in vain

but I will love thee all the same

I will love thee all the same

though thee reminds me of some past flame

blister mine skin, to crack again

you aim to burn, you push to maim

but I will love thee all the same

I will love thee all the same

til' ash of me, is all that remain

Reviews

[Ardra]

though thee reminds me of some past flame
blister mine skin, to crack again
you aim to burn, you push to maim
but I will love thee all the same

I will love thee all the same

til' ash of me, is all that remain


this is kind of thing you call as the love that has caught up with your bone hehe... i liked the closing line very much ... if some one said that to me i am sure i would be swooning :P

[Chris]

This one took some time and intent. The wording fit well - the tone and rhyming work... the rhythm stumbles in a few places - mainly syllabic count I guess. An example:

"the deeper burns love doth leave behind" - does this need "doth"?

[J. B.]

every part is there for a reason, including the "doth" which allows the reader to "chew" on the words for better "digestion" if you will

[Chris]

Oh I understood the word, its use, and intent... but that line is but ONE example of the rhythm stumbling - given so you would "hear". This wasn't a criticism... just an observation and a question.

[J. B.]

no worries!

[Chris]

I tend to really "speak" my mind... not to put down but to listen and reflect.

[EcstaticEuphoria]

Wow! This poem gave me shivers. Love, love, love! The repetitions and use of vocabulary to make the point, so beautiful and so direct was absolutely exquisite. I enjoyed so much the emotions. Only a poet truly can express love and how it feels to go back again and again to the glory and the pain until you are completely taken apart and rendered to dust without a single regret. So this was absolutely fabulous. Thanks for sharing this amazing write with the world and with me!

[J. B.]

thank you so much for reading it, and the lovely and in-depth response!

[GwenLark]

Hauntingly beautiful, Jerimiah. What a wonderful piece of poetry.
It almost sounds like a prayer.
Instant favourite.

[CherryEllie]

I really love this. Especially:

fear not, the burns are beauty yet
and stay, I shall, to judge you naught
to cool the skin and warm thy soul
perhaps, tis' I, you always sought

Very poetic. Very heartwarming. I love it.