Lost Notes

Sometimes I get lost in the shuffle

The lonely vibrato of a violin string rings out through the air.  The note falls flat, but rises sharp again, not able to find a balance between and the vibrato is too shaky.  The sound labors through the air, slicing the silence, overwhelming in its strength.  Yet, the air is heavier and pressing in on all sides, bleeding where the note cuts, but fighting back nonetheless.

 

The sound begins to weaken and leaves less and less of a mark in its wake until it fades away seamlessly into nothingness.  No one notices the absence and no one looks close enough to see that it is still there.  It's so faint and small that it's barely noticeable, but it is STILL there.  It still lives and it still breathes crushed against the air, pushed off to the side, broken and silent, but there.

Strains of a cello, a pulse beat in my ear.  A streak of blue across a pure white canvas, and my heart is tearing, striking red over the blue.  Tear drops fall, smearing the paint, the cello screeches and I can't breathe.

 

In a moment of desperation, I reach forward into the abyss surrounding me and my fingers tangle in a note.  The note is so weak and it's nearly gone, but I remember that the cello note is there as well.  It's somewhere close to me, hiding in shame from the mistake, overwhelmed by the pressure.

 

Eventually, in my hands I hold the pieces and cry out at the injustice of something so beautiful now destroyed.  I allow them to fall at my feet, a tangled mess, and I fall with them, hands covering my face, tears streaming, and sobs wracking my body.  I am as invisible as the notes.  I am as useless as the mistakes.  The scars left behind are too painful and shameful to face again and nothing can be forgiven.

 

We sit.  The notes at my feet, my face buried in my hands, and my entire soul crying out; sobbing, and slipping into the nothingness that surrounds us.

 

Suddenly, there is stillness.  I don't dare breathe and I don't dare move.  With the stillness comes a very faint calm.  Suddenly, I remember that these notes can combine to make something powerful and I urge them back to life.  First, the vibrato of the violin.  It begins to ring through the air, making its way through the nothingness.  Again, it is out of tune, it's not quite right, and it begins to falter until I urge the second back to life.  It screeches quietly, gaining volume until it reaches the first.  The two together make a horrendous noise until they reach out toward one another and hold hands.  Supporting each other, leaning on one another, the two become stronger and stronger until the music produced is bigger than both of them.

 

It rings out through the air, beautiful and harmonious.  The suffocating abyss surrounding them recedes quickly.  The growing music inspires and lifts and I can feel my heart lightening.

 

But like everything beautiful, it begins to move too far away and my ears strain to pick out the sounds.  I can no longer see them, but I can faintly hear their music, but it's getting further and further away and soon I will no longer be able to hear and my heart breaks at this knowledge.  What was my purpose in this?

 

I feel myself breaking and I see the loneliness stretching around me endlessly.  The music fades away completely and I find myself where I began, rocking back and forth, face pressed into my knees, tears streaming through my fingers and down my face.

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

WOW Dez that is really amazing and so powerful... for me music is a big part of my life in terms of bringing out and helping deal with emotions so this piece and how you relate the symphony music to your mixed emotions of life is really superb, I am glad you entered that contest cause it gave me a chance to read this gem in your catalogue of art.

[SM Davis]

Impeccable!!! Darkness can be cut by the simplest of pleasures but if we don't keep watch, the light can fade quickly. Heart breaking and beautiful at the same time. Lovely write!!

[Lydia Shutter]

there is such beauty in the sadness here....such melodious plucking of heart strings. you obviously have a musical background and have used this to your best advantage in this write. i felt totally absorbed in the words you penned. incredibly powerful writing. lydia

[All faded blue]

Music and words, wound round and round the stanza, vibrating into stillness, waking the reader from silent sleep, eyes wide open, shared your tearful journey. Just plain beautiful..

[Jenny Davis]

Loved the faded music towards the end! Although it was sad, it lent such beauty and image! You must play the violin amazingly to be so immersed in music and art....well done!

[Helen Woodward]

The agony and the ecstacy portrayed through your music...beautiful Dezaray. Music brings out such emotion in people with caring hearts, I believe that your music means much to you and that you pour your every happiness and sadness into it...the last paragrph sounded like you were hinting at impendng deafness? But I'm most likely wrong, I'm no poet in the 'real' sense of the word so I've probably read too much into it! xxxx Wonderful work...

[Emily B]

You felt the notes in your soul, you drew them in the air and I could feel them. Your brush strokes as you painted the picture never wavered, you crafted the story masterfully. It was such a sensory read, I could see the picture, feel your tears, hear the notes. You have a beautiful soul, sweetheart. Some writers are never able to fill their work with so much emotion.

[Ladysue]

Dezaraye, this was outstanding and I could feel the words. I marvel at the exceptional analogy. I love the entire piece, but the last stanza says it all for me. Just so beautifully written. Very touching.

[Brentley]

Wow that was beautiful. It has such passion and beauty in it. You didn't even have to create your writing, but let your music do it for you. You found such a place that all of us wish we could have. It is absolutley subperb. I loved every line of it and I felt in the stillness and at the vibrato all at the same time.

[Carole]

Your knowledge of music is astounding, Dezaraye. Your Violin playing has paid off and given you some marvelous imagery for this piece. I also like how you gave the analogy within the piece about yourself and how you get "lost in the shuffle." Beautiful!