Truthfully and Honestly

I always have this dream where time stands still while I go about my life, everyone else frozen. Time starts moving again and they all come awake only to see me ahead of them and they are unable to catch up, then in a blink of an eye, I'm behind them and they are ahead of me. Then I wake up sweating like I just ran a 400 meters race.
Twisted, I know, but, this is my life.
My name is Sonni Williams and I am a chronic liar.
Some people say realising and admitting you have a problem, is the first step towards finding a solution. However, the big question nobody asks is; "do you want a solution to your problem?”
It is logical to assume that every problem needs a solution. I however do not need one. Do I?
I'm so used to lying about any and everything in my life. I think I'm good at it too. Am I?
I don't know what is true anymore.
Everyone around me seem to have moved on, of did I move on from them?, I'm not sure anymore.
Heraclitus or Plato said: “Everything changes, nothing stays the same. Change is constant."
Maybe this is my change. Or is it?
I seem to have created this cocoon around myself and filled it with lies and now everywhere I turn, everything I do, say, and or think are lies. I'm afraid I now believe my lies.
How did I become this person?
I remember being very angry at all the things I couldn't change in my life.
Is it a memory? Or another lie?
I think I've made a change, I am a changed person. Am I? Will any reasonable person want me as a wife?
I think I love my life, the job, house, cars, among other things. But, Do I? Really?
Maybe it's all a facade. Maybe this is all a dream, and the dream I always have is a dream within this dream.
I want to wake up from this dream, and I have a perfect plan.
Do I?
No! I had a plan. "I want to grow up to be a Lawyer", that was the dream.
Liar, Lawyer, Lawyer, Liar.
See how that rhymes.
I got really close didn't I? *smiles*
Now I'm all grown up, stuck in a job I don't want, hanging out with people I don't like, eating what I don't really want, saying what I don't mean, doing all and what I don't want to do!!!
I feel this pressure in my chest, like my heart is about to explode into a million pieces. Arrrrrrgggggg!
*sighs*
But, this is the life I chose. I chose this part, and it led me to my present position.
I don't want this life any more, I don't like who I have become. That is why I have decided to work on myself, starting with the truth.
The truth, hahaha hahaha , the truth.
The truth is; I'm not ready to give up this life.
Change is a dream within a dream,
A dream within a dream is a nightmare,
Nightmares do not exist.
And that is the truth.
I have a new dream,
I see myself running forward, ahead of everyone around me.
I will not wake up from this dream.
Truthfully and honestly, a lie is not a lie, until it defers from the truth.
What is the truth?
I love my life.
Everyone is the same, myself included.
There is no truth.
Is there?