Amin

two empty black shoes
polished, laces neatly tied
sit alone
by the side of the road
mark the passing

dust from
the screeching tires
still floats in the
  air
so hot and thick
like drowning slowly

racing through the empty streets
the dark hooded crow
 hunts
purging enemies within
human carrion

her face, frozen, forced smile
standing silent behind pyramids of
 ripe oranges
and leafy green pineapple tops
pretending nothing is wrong

where the rocks are sharp
the dead reside deep inside
 dark caves
their souls flutter about
disguised as bats

last night
the radio made mention
of his disappearance
today

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

This is really striking. It is a bit fractured but I think that adds to the surreal aspects to some of the images. I especially liked these stanzas:

her face, frozen, forced smile
standing silent behind pyramids of
ripe oranges
and leafy green pineapple tops
pretending that nothing is wrong

where there are sharp rocks
the dead reside inside deep
dark caves
where their souls flutter about
disguised as bats

[Jack Cassidy]

I enjoyed the nuances in this piece by each line, but the flow of it is somewhat choppy.... It is good work, it just seems like the birth of an idea... Keep writing, you're doing great...

[Jack Cassidy]

I only am saying those things because I value this poem...

[Brian Park]

thanks for the review, this is an early draft and the constructive critique is what I am after, I altered the order of two of the stanzas to connect the idea of the crow to the car better, do you feel the ideas or the writing or both are choppy, thanks for the help

[Jack Cassidy]

I think that fixed it for me... Now, there doesn't seem to be a break within the entire piece.