Is It Worth It?

This is the first piece I've written during a period of my life where it was dark and I feel as though some people can relate to it.

I sit here in silence questioning my existence.

I ask myself is it even worth it to even finish this sentence.

When the days go by I try to hide the pain I feel inside.

No one knows my struggle or the everyday battle that I go through.

I tell myself that things will get better, but I've been saying this since age eleven

My mama say she love me but fights me every chance she gets so I let her.

She has kind words at times, but when the day come she emotionally hurts me and what's mine.

I can't tell anyone how I feel because they'll probably think its not real.

Her boyfriend likes to push around and bully but loves to act all lovey dovey when my mother is right behind me.

I loved my sister more than my own life now she sits here hating me how can I not cry?

I don't bother with love because every time it comes I either get broken or when push comes to shove it happens, literally

I just want to feel alive completely...but that doesn't happen

I pray to God to make things okay, but in the end I'm suffering in pain

Seven years of neglect and physical and emotional abuse

That's why the drugs I use make me feel like some use

Helps me numb the pain and escape reality everyday

S**t I wish I can call my daddy and tell him the bad man has gone and got me

But who's my father?

I got no one but myself

So is it even worth sitting around anymore and feel the hurt cause this sitting here s**t ain't gonna work.

I'd rather be six feet under then alive and deal with the chaos that has taken over me

I cut deeply every chance I get to remind myself that I can feel nothing anymore.

No remorse nothing for myself

I've got no one to stop me, to care, to love me

So tell me

What's the point of trying to be someone else with a fake smile when I can rest peacefully forever?

Author's Note

Ignore the grammatical errors and tell me what you thought and felt during this piece. My writing is from inside the mind in which I portray what flows through my fingers onto the keyboard.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

This a very somber piece, the expression of one who feels trapped in an evil space. The work conveys the feeling of despair very forcefully. Substance abuse and self mutilation are symptoms of depression, but they can be alleviated by medication and therapy. I don't feel in a position to offer advice on how to deal with such a situation.