Control This

a sudden intense feeling I had...can't really explain it. I honestly don't fully know what this poem is symbolizing for me but I like it

Possibilities of forever, doubtful

The in's and out's of this life don't phase me

I want to get in, and stay in

If only I had control

 

The presence of competence that I use to sense

But lately doubt flows through like molasses

Giving me time to imbibe it so that

By the time I realize this

I'm too slow to control it

 

No one can stay in forever

I know this

Just at least give me the chance to

Control this

 

Reviews

[S. Michael Long]

keep working on this.. its a great start, but as confusing as the emotion is to you, its even more confusing to the reader.. the point you are trying to make i mean.. its very well rounded, and i love how you used the word "imbibe".. focus on that unexplainable feeling and use whatever emotion comes from the feeling to express what you want to say.. if its anger, be angry.. if its happiness be happy.. your emotions in the writing are expressed in the readers mind.. so we get you.. Great Write! -s

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Sometimes we forget that we do not have control of everything. If we focus on what we do have control of and extend all of our energies there, all will fall in place. Wonderful piece.

[Coyote Poetry]

Your words are true in the poem. Hard to control all things. Good to control some things that are important. I like the logic at the end. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[♪The Girl Next Do..]

I can totally get this. I come from a long line of control-thirsty perfectionists, and let me tell you, I've felt this need for power before. Very good.

[Layla J Omorose]

this poem seems to have a direction to me, to control whats happening to be able to control where you are and whats happening to you. Yet no one has control forever, power always shifts and the in crowd always changes. Very good poem

[Soulfulbubbles]

Ah the illusion of control, and the need for it is tricky to overcome it or grasp it.


thank you for sharing this :)

[Lunny]

the poem is a metaphore but I just don't find it that good :/

[BMColey]

thanks for the comments and im always open to suggestions and corrections. thats hwy im here to get reviewed and better myself as a writer. im glad people could get some kind of understanding from this though.

[The Scholar]

Oh, and I don't know if you want grammar tips and such, but I think the "doesn't" in the second line should be "don't." Because the subject isn't life, rather it's plural: "in's and out's."

Again, great poem!

[Chip]

Yes, there are times in life we have no control over but we wish we did. You described this well. I don't have any criticisms for it.

[The Scholar]

I actually really like this piece. It seems to describe the pains of not being able to control at times what goes on in life. We wish we could just grab life and rein it in, but it doesn't always work too well.
I also like the way you describe the "in's and out's" of life.
No one can stay in forever... so true.