Drift Away

The respirator breathing taps a kind of rhythm and poetry
To this death
Watching, waiting
We're all coming to an end called "Stuck in the Mud"
To witness
Midst the wheezing, the hospital whine, the slow waiting, watching
Your torturous ascension to the Anywhere
Is Better Than Here
I'm writing to the rhythm
Your unnoticed hymn
As you share in the glory
Hallelujah
Glory, glory
I'll drift away

Reviews

[Spat Queen]

I was in a coma on the life support for two weeks. I found out a lot of things I didn't know about a lot of things. For instance, I wonder if people know that organ donors must die on a respirator in order for the organs to be usable.

I'm writing to the rhythm
Your unnoticed hymn...

Iabsolutely these lines. This piece is unforgettable.

[Adela Muresan]

Great imagery and flow.
I admire your capacity to express such unpleasant facts and emotions in a pleasant read.

A.M.

[Wondering Mind]

A very emotional and powerfully worded write.

[Maria Retz]

Very powerful.
To only be kept alive with machines, waiting to die, I can't even imagine how horrible it must be

great job describing it

[Kelly Scheppers]

...took me back to a place and time I'll never forget!

My best,
Kelly

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Nicely woven piece. I was not expecting to you use 'I' at the end - it seems as if you are watching someone else drift away. Thank you for sharing your talent.
Light,
Siddartha

[Clayton]

I like the poem and how it speaks of not only the hospital but also being kept alive by artificial means though in the end no longer fearing death but accepting fate. You hook the reader in by a common fear or disturbing feeling of a hospital and worse yet implication of the reason for being there is horrific but with a promise of hope.

[Melon Choly]

Very dramatic, yet understandable in what you are conveying. Well done !

[Anima Inspired]

Wow...this really has some emotional "chops"... I like the stark rawness of the imagery...I've always found writing that describes hospital scenes quite unnerving, in a good way, and you have described things quite brilliantly. I also quite enjoyed the flow of this piece; great free-verse style with a unique poetic voice. Nicely done!

[Stephanie]

"Your torturous ascension to the Anywhere"
That was my favorite part. I think you really captured the mood of being in a hospital around all those machines, and people being sick and/or dying. Really nice poem .