A beautiful day

A beautiful Cage

 

 

It is indeed a beautiful day, the sun is shining so bright, I can faintly see the clouds slowly drifting. They look so beautiful, high up there, so white, untouched by the world`s darkness. Innocent.  I can`t contain myself, it`s September, it can`t be this beautiful outside now. I open the door slowly, the cold wind pours in like ice cold water. I take a step outside.

Mmm, it is indeed a beautiful day, the sun is shining through the cherry tree leaves, the wind is setting the leaves in motion, it is so peaceful. My psychology book states if you attempt to focus on everything unimportant around you, you will not have enough brain capacity to focus on the important things. I focus on the wind tenderly stroking my face, my dress softly dancing around my legs, I focus on the ice-cold stone floor pressing underneath my feet. I inhale, but it feels like I can`t fill my lungs, it just feels like I am out of breath to inhale more.

 

I close the door. I turn the key around, and the door is now…locked.

 

I don`t belong there. I don`t belong to them. I don`t belong…anywhere.

I want to observe, but I want to participate as well.

I love to talk and get responses, but the all the sounds and voices is killing my head.

I want to run outside again, never mind the cold wind, never mind the darkness underneath all this beauty.

But something is stopping me.

I go slowly up the stairs, into my room, into my cage, into my hidden tower, back to the chains.

It`s so warm in my room, I have everything I need.

Then why is the picture in my window, so appealing? The trees, the sky, the wind, the sun. How can they seduce me out of this beautiful cage, without a single word? Am I going crazy? Or is this psychodynamic psychology at it`s finest?

A beautiful cage, guarding an ungrateful being, tight chains containing a hyper being, the hidden tower where the princess waits for her prince, does that make me the bride in chains? But I am not waiting for a prince, that's maybe what makes this even more painful waiting, not knowing what you`re waiting for, not knowing what you`re missing. My beautiful cage has everything. My tight chains have held me back from diving into the darkness underneath all this beauty head first. Is this what they call suffering? Is this what they call being a misfit? Is this what they call the end? This is indeed a beautiful day, the window in my room shows me a beautiful picture of the world, it would be a shame to give into the darkness today. It would be a shame to have a scream pierce through the peaceful wind dancing in the cherry tree, it would be a shame to spill cherry red blood on the ice-cold stone floor, the chains are holding me back. Yet so ungrateful, what would do if the chains suddenly disappeared, what would I do if I was handed a key to my beautiful cage? Would I run down the stairs, lock up the door and storm out? Past the ice cold stone floor, past the lonely cherry tree, longer and longer away from my cage? Or would I hesitate? Have I grown to love this? Or have just simply forgotten the taste of freedom?

It is indeed a beautiful day, the lonely cherry tree is practically dancing, the ice-cold wind on this beautiful September day is chilling yet peaceful, it would be an honor to reach the faintly drifting, milky white clouds in this chillingly peaceful moment, but it would be such a shame.

 

 Such a shame, to escape my beautiful cage on this beautiful day.

Author's Note

Just a moment