The Wishing Necklace Prologue Prompt

Prologue

Do you believe in fairies? I do and I have met them. I wish I hadn’t though.  They aren’t the sweet innocent creature that you think they are. They are evil, vicious, and ambitious. And did I fail to mention that they are my best friends?  My name is Nico True and my life is messed up.

It all started when I was first expelled from the school my dad taught at. It wasn’t a big deal. Well not for my mom and I. My dad on the other hand, he was and still is furious. My dad, Aden True, is a tech/ science teacher in the best private school in the area. He lives by hard standers which I never bothered to follow. For example, he expected me to get one hundred percent in my last test. Instead I funk it, on purpose. Sure the test was super easy, it just that it won’t matter since my mom has a career set up for me. And no matter how much I hate her plans for me, I can’t escape it.  

I actually think that my mom wanted me expelled, so that I could help up with her spy business more. You are probably thinking that “wow, your mom is a spy? That’s so cool.” Don’t get too excited, she is the bad kind of spy. Not saving the world or anything, but quite the opposite. The organization my mom is in is destroying the world. And that is how I am going to have to spend my life doing. Fun, isn’t it?

My mom name is Becky True Norris, five foot ten and probably planning world domination. She won’t stand out in a crowd. Actually she would be that one person who no one would suspect even if she is the only one left standing in a mass murder.

Mom is weird to describe. For example, in some stuff she is really helpful. Like if you want to know how to hack into something or strangle someone, my mom’s the right person. But if you want help with education stuff, she won’t even budge to help. And what is the ironic part you might ask? Mom is a university professor as a disguise, so that my dad wouldn’t suspect. To her students she is really helpful though. She is nice, but not nice. You know what I mean? Mom hides it well. My dad doesn’t know a thing about who mom actually is.

The only reason I know this is because of mom had made me go into the spy business since I was eight. Awesome childhood I had.

Let me tell you more about me since you have already met my family. I am a sixteen year old “trouble” boy. I have messy black hair and dark red eyes. In other words, I look like a monster. I am not short but also not super tall. I recently got expelled from Blue Harness Private School for punching a kid. The kid deserved it in my opinion, since he was being rude to the science teacher (my dad).

You’re probably getting bored so let me get on with the story now to the part when I first step on a fairy.

Author's Note

Please give me ways to improve this. This is just an idea for a story, the prologue. And it takes place in an another world. So please give me feed backs on improving it. Thank you!

Reviews

[Jacob Clifford]

This has all the rough charm of an early draft. I can see that you have ideas and plans for where this is going - very good. That's the most important part. From here, keep writing. I know that sounds lame, but that really is the best way to improve.
You have a good start going here. To work out some of the kinks just try to keep things clear and distinct. The prologue feels a bit messy/rambly at times. Make sure you have distinctions between your ideas. Some of the paragraphs don't feel smooth in regards to the surrounding paragraphs. It's much easier said than done, but try to make them flow into each other; find what they have in common if you can. If the paragraphs are very distinct from each other, try to work on your transitions. Otherwise it feels a bit forced and slow.
I obviously don't know how long you've been writing. If you've just started: you're really quite good. I'm assuming you've been doing it for a short while - long enough to improve but not to fully develop your style yet. You have a good thing going so far. I hope you'll continue with this story. I'm excited to see where it goes.