1: Beginnings

The Great Escapade is a sci-fi, thriller, action, fan-fiction adventure in the dystopian future, revolving around politics, people and revenge.

'9th December, 2050. 

Today, I just stopped by Mr. Haze's as he was clearing his garbage just outside his neighbourhood house. I was surprised to see many of him items that were being thrown; comic books, magazines, old games that were used by old consoles that were rapidly changing the gaming industry. It seemed Mr. Haze's son, Rodrink, was finally maturing and evolving as a great guy. 

However, as much as I adored the love and compassion of the Haze family, I cannot take my eyes of what the delicate, sophisticated yet ugly world has become. Flipped upside down, tormented with as a rich content as any other ordinary day meal, the system is too ordinary to begin with. So arranged, so... orderly, it never really came to life. All of what we know, culture, tradition, they all carried the same weight, the same fortune, the same fate. All of them relished each other as nothing more, and it never surprised me till' this day. 

Could I blame anybody else for the plight we've plunged ourselves into? I wouldn't blame anybody; I'd blame myself. Much thanks to the works of the ever-changing society, we've already been associated with so much more. I walk along the streets to school, mind you, none of them seem to care as much as I do. Abusive b******s trampling on stray dogs and cats; the inescapable acts of adultery inside the alleys, so oblivious to anyone; the sign of fate and the full package of advertisement of the politics. I wonder if we've ruined ourselves into dust rubble or are we blind to be given all of these lemons we taste, but never see? 

As always, my family awaits the condemnation of the country's next politics with the fight between charismatic Koel Jopper and always proving Hummer Vaughn. As always, a lonely party joins in the fray with Gabriel Front as the least effective of the 3. Though I've seen much more than what the world has to offer, I've seen enough. Things change rapidly, and they change rapidly too fast, too many. I wouldn't be totally surprised if Gabriel won the elections. It's been so always with the past elections. Examples? Back in 2042, Dramner Zopkamp won the election by only the smallest of percentage over his two other candidates. Rewind eight years before Zopkin's win, the country was ruled by Jack Uldiater, one everyone thought would never capture, but he did. Though I have to say it's always been a top drawn contest. 

But the biggest and the worst of the rule came under Bon Palfer's, back in 2020. The way our country changed from dust, to rubble. From stocks to none. From authoritarian to not even a decent chance of hope. Congratulate him, people say, as he has made what our country thought of, proud but yet, distinct. A flavour flourishes in my mind through Palfer's scent, as he changed our country, made it much more, relevant. However, people's resentment to him still lies within us. I have to agree, over 80% of the people I have spoke to have expanded their thoughts on Palfer. And all I have to say is... damn it. I've had enough. Let's just end it here. 

Julia Arenna' 

Julia lifted her fingers off the keyboard, rubbing her eyes and gracing the new environment she was seated in. The new apartment was a comfortable approach and a great addition to her life, mother and her sister, Grace and Helen respectively. Julia, an office worker herself, she was much more independent than many of her friends who have gone the other directions of life in the workplace. Julia stepped out to the balcony as the sun evoked tension, reminding everyone what day it was. Julie looked below to the streets of her multi-storey building, as an empty block of slab flowed over the roads. 

"Today is the day. A new day of hope, a new day of peace, and a new day of wishes, am I right dear?" Grace called out to Julia, as she turned to see her mother flipping channels, waiting for the results of the election that was due inevitable. "You forgot one thing, mother. That is a new day of conspiracy." Julia added to the last line of Grace's sentence, which she snapped at Julia. 

"Come on Julia. Be a good sport. Lest your sister returns home, she might find herself not watching the economy grow but spoonfed with your overtiring nonsense flipping this house apart." 

"Am I not speaking the truth mother?" Julia returned back to the living room as she went back to her computer table. "You see the damn politics go on every single day. The little of the heat-up, the little of the bust-up, they take everything that we say under our breaths, and they take it for complacency. Helen should be glad that she isn't involved like you did." 

"I did what was right." Grace thundered, feeling annoyed and irritated by Julia's speech. "I didn't do what people told me to do. All I did was do better for the country!" 

"Doing better isn't doing things that you aren't accountable for." Julia sighed, stood up and reached for her jacket by the side of the hanger. Grace glanced back to the television, watching her clock simultaneously to avoid missing the results of the election. "I'm going to go fetch Helen. And I will believe she won't hear any s**t like these in the future." 

"That's the problem Julia." Grace exclaims as Julia prepares to leave the house. "People are too involved to be separated. And by being too involved, sometimes it's for the worst direction." 

Julia stood outside the gates of Manhattan Moulin Nursery. Finding a seat and an empty table, she decided to pen down her thoughts altogether. She took out her trusty little notebook and traversed a journey of her thoughts. 

'Helen was only six years-old. Will she be able to endure the madness the world will give to the little kids in the future? Will she be able to handle what we say, when we say our future is doomed?' 

Julia clicks the pen again, noticing Helen's imagery emerging from the porch of the school. 

"Julia!" Helen screams as she races towards Julia's arms. "Mother said you wouldn't pick me up." 

"Well I did didn't I? Come on. Let's go get something to eat before we go home, is that alright?" Helen nods in excitement, gripping Julia's hand as she returns an open smile, not forced. 

They reached the inside of a Café as Julia orders Helen to sit as she buys some snacks for Helen and herself. 

"Here you go." Julia hands over a cheese sandwich as Helen grabs at it with her might. "You're famished?" 

"Yeah. I only ate like a little since morning." 

"Then don't talk so much. Let's occupy your stomach first." 

Julia brings out her notebook once again and decides to check the wi-fi of the Café. 'Pretty good', she whispers to herself. 

"Sis." Helen calls as Julia hums a tune to show Helen that she is listening. "Is it true that Kopper or Vaughn is going to win the elections?" 

Julia looked up in surprise that her little sister has begun to talk about a mature topic. "It's Jopper and how do you know about the elections?" Julia says with her arms on the table, fully concentrated on the conversation. 

"Well, our teacher has told us to tune into Golden Channel at around 4 in the afternoon so we could see a new leader rise up and change the world." Helen explains. 

'S**t education, I'd trust conspiracy but I'd never trust contempt.' 

Julia smiles back. "Well then Helen, are you going to watch the elections then?" 

"We have strict rules to see it. We also have to present what we know about the groups back to school tomorrow." She sighed. "I don't even know anything about them." 

Julia returns back to her keyboards as she decides to entertain her thoughts on her blog once more. 

"Julia." Helen calls again. "Are you going to watch the elections?" 

Tough answer, Julia thought. "What if I said no?" 

"Well then our teachers told us that you'd be betraying the country. What does betraying mean?" 

A sense of drum rolls crept into Julia's ears. 'What has the world become? Why is it so strange to me all of a sudden? Helen was only six years-old, and yet she was able to speak to me as if she was an adult. Should I blame the government, or should I blame the education that has brought about this abrupt yet sudden change?' 

"I'm just kidding Helen. Of course I'd watch the elections; It concerns our country!" The lie would only last for a few hours, and it will dissipate, probably. 

'10th December, 2050 

The day I thought would never come, eventually and inevitably surrounded us. Who won? My readers, that is not the most important. What is most important that the rule will only change slightly, and what we see will be concealed, rather, hidden. But who am I to act upon impulsion or say that this is the truth to our humanity? I have no rights, I know. But I have the rights to comment on what I think is wrong, abused. This system, indestructible, but corrupted to the very core. 

My little sister, only just six years old, would even know a mature topic such as the elections of one's country. Is the rule desperate to indoctrinate what we see in our eyes upon what we feel to be translated to our little ones? Where is the respect, what are you doing, teachers, may I ask? No, rather, should I ask? The way we have been living, covered underground, we have never been said to know anything. 

I remember a quote by someone I used to know around 7 years back. He said this: A remembrance is only a thought, but matter upon matter, built by rocks; what we have is not just a miracle, you see, but what we serve, is better peace than eternity. 

Julia Arenna' 

Author's Note

The Great Escapade will be the first of my works, so please give me feedback so I'd know if the story is good enough or is it a rip-off. Effective criticism is welcomed. Thank you!

Reviews

[Don Radish]

Personally I think describing the world in the prologue is not really needed and should instead be fed gradually into the story it's quite lazt just to explain it all on page one. You could do better. The story or what there is of it is fine, I have no idea if it is a rip-off because I don't read enough sci-fi I'm afraid.

The paragraphs are to dense, please, please split them. And while it is fine to be stylized it is not camoflage for writing that's not very good.

[B30]

Okay, I will take note. Thanks!

[Spoon]

I quite enjoyed this chapter, despite the grammar issues (particularly in the first italics). In terms of story, though, I am quite keen to see where it goes. I'll read more chapters soon :)

[alice]

I have so many questions! I just cannot properly input them at the moment. Aside from a couple of grammar issues, what I don't think is how a six year old could talk like an adult?
I'm currently taking developmental psychology and according to what I'm incorporating into my small brain, Helen shouldn't be forming proper sentences. Unless, you're going the R.A Lafferty route with his world of Camiroi, in regards to education that is.

[B30]

I wanted to touch base with Helen because as a child, I think what I wanted to do was not to use pretty much the 'big' words. That was what I was keeping in mind when constructing her sentences.

[Marvin]

I just had time to read the first two paragraphs and I must say you are doing good, will get back to you after reading the whole chapter

[B30]

Thanks! I hope well cause I have tried posting the story else where and it didn't gain feedback at all. Thanks for taking your time to read! I really appreciate it!

[Marvin]

Well, through with the first chapter. Here is what I have to say:

storyline/plot is okay.
The conversations are okay.

Then there is the introductory part before you introduce Julia and her mother, in my opinion, that should have made the prologue.
Let the chapter begin exactly where Juliana is introduced.

Then there are parts where your point of view switches from third person. Stick to one POV per chapter or per scene.

I am not a professional, just opinion :) .
I would rate it 3 out of five.

[B30]

Thank you for the feedback. I was afraid the plot would be rumbled because it doesn't really show much until you're really into the 3rd or 4th chapter, but that is fine.

For the prologue I wanted to describe the world they were living in as a whole, but I guess I'll change that because as the chapters go on, more characters are introduced.

For POV scenes, they were mainly thoughts like what Julia was thinking when Helen had told her that this happened and so on. They were just expressions and a little interaction or bias for the characters and they were italics just so that the readers would be able to understand that this is what that person is thinking while this is going on.

That was a good review I would say. I'd take 3 out of 5 any day :D I'll continue changing, no doubt. Thanks!

[Marvin]

You are welcome. I'll keep reading