blah blah blah blah blah

The places that we have been introduce the people that we know, and give us the experiences that shape us as people with stories to share, and feed us our cross referenced self images. Isn't it such a beautifully sad picture frame? A view through your thumbs and your indexes met; to know that all children will un-develop their pure personalities, into ones of self consciousness? The world is an arresting place for all, but the real world abbreviated my upbringing. I missed out on 7 years of crucial life training. From the age of 17 till 24. There was a large "fill in the blank," in those crucial years of personal growth, and development for me. It is when the naiad roams around vulnerable still. Some mature out of habit, I matured out of habitat. This is when you get your wings of life. Freedom reigns! The Star-Spangled Banner is all but remembered and the clouds of failure and disbelief are below you! Or so it seems! The shackles are unlocked, left behind with your grades after graduating high school, along with that blonde girl with the shallow worldview that you had a crush on. The road is clear, the boys and girls are out getting their drivers licenses, and to their despair, maybe their first credit card. You attain a savings account in your name, with a bad thumbnail at the left hand corner of your plastic legitimacy, and the synthetic taste of paperless freedom embraces your financial ignorance. Who wants to attend some college seminars? (Mmmm debt) Come on people, you might just get accepted to Colombia, s**t, maybe you get your first decent paying job. The financial freedom gives you a taste of identity, and naughtiness has awareness in its experiences and stealth. Now you're saving up to move out of moms, or maybe finally help her out. These crucial years are when you plant sprouts in your aspiration development, and you start to dream bigger: Attempting to develop a purpose. You fell in love, the world got brighter, following the spark that inevitably dampens, you cry, and ask why did YOU have to get your heart broken? Out of foolish inexperience, you might go break a few. The collateral has fine print, so read it, it says RELAX, don't rush in or out. It sucks, believe me, I know. At least it cushions the next breakdown of your first adult relationship, maybe this time you patch it back up properly. You get to know your real friends in many forms, and you have a lot of good sex. A LOT of good sex that was not half as good as you probably thought. Your understanding of emotional highs and lows are perceived, and misunderstood, until they clothe themselves into a semisolid understanding of emotion. You play dress the figurine, spending too much money on un-tailored style, until you find some patches of cloth that aren't costumes anymore. This is when you get your idea of pride, and maybe decide what you would die for. S**t it might just be your ego's vanguard wading through its palace of "you ain't been broken in yet." This life training is crucial. This was training that I did not receive, no, I was in an alternate universe, founded on torture, and control, mental reprogramming, and violence. The world was moving at light speed, but for us, everyday was the same food, the same clothing, the same faces, commands, tears, joys, accomplishments...detachments. I had done so well that when I teleported back to reality, people expected the same of me as they did of themselves. Not realizing, that every visit to the park was like a trip overseas, every crowd was like a five year old lost, every connection was shackled, and anchored in anxiety, fear, and control. Pain. Inside. Of course there was courage, and strength connected, even heartfelt, but misinterpreted. Love hit hard as a sledgehammer, though no one is ever ready for that first real one. Everything was a blessing at first, but to hit the ground running and reach heights of accomplishments quickly, left a long lasting curse. If only I had looked in the mirror detached for once. It wasn't their fault. In my own shadows, I tried to drown out in spirits, people would say, he has a career, good  girl, he is entitled to have some fun. They didn't know, I didn't really know, it was all an attempt to escape the visage of my internally recognized unworthiness. My life's inexperience, what expectations! The drinking was a mask, and the beer goggles warped my values, until I felt I was blind without them. The terror that your ego can produce...forget not, I ain't been broken in yet. The shadow that covered us, and eventually blinded me to her. I was afraid of the world, and the world was she to me, as all women are in their silent testing of men in their purpose. I didn't understand the lingo, so I hid, silently. My distance caused excruciating pain. The broken promises, the shattered dreams. Me, her protector. She loved me, but I didn't. I loved her, but could not prove worthiness to myself; a debt of my self consciousness. Now as dark as it is, in light of emotion...I ran from her, for her own sake. No, I ran from me. Recalculated, but still unresolved, I reconsidered my deductions, still clasped and clouded. I tried in desperation to return, "I know the way now, I say I do, I swear just hear me plead!" The truth is, I left, but she finally said goodbye. I had faced many predators, and climbed different branches and stems. This one was different, biologically evolved and formatted to tear my weaknesses from me, to show me the truth so I may learn! It was a PhD and an a*s whipping everyday. Volumes of love, passion, growth, and misunderstood fear. It was surely a blessing, a lesson in self development. Still, as much as it does hurt, this is what was necessary to give Anisoperta the self realization of his deserved ability of flight. His hunt is near infinite, and his wings buzz a sermon of...

...Huh, I guess my story isn't that different after all.