Night Shadows

Night shadows
Whispers in the dark
The cause of my
Pounding heart,
Deep within
My aching chest
Heaving from the
Pain that
Dances within
My Breast.
Hungry for power
Lost without
Sight
Feeding on
My undisguised
Fright.
Save Me
Someone hear my
Plea
Save me from
My
Destiny.
 

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

I enjoyed this. It's very emotional and I like the rhythm and syntax that you employed to write the poem. My only suggestion would be to further illustrate your point. What you have here is very explanatory and I think that certain aspects of the poem are begging to be described... You could run wild, for instance, with describing the pain dancing around inside your chest... Just a thought.

I hope my suggestions can be of some use. Have a good one and definately keep up the good work.

[Shalini Dinesh]

oh girl, nobody can save your from your destiny, that God has already planned, its God who is the only one who can save you, have faith and trust in him.... Very emotional poem....

[Bethany Woody]

Dark and spooky, perfect bit of Halloween in the off season. It describes that fear of the unknown that we all have. It also bring to mind, what goes bump in the night....
I thik the short sentences and the fast pace help get the fear across to the fear across to the reader. Nicely done.

[Gandré]

I loved your wonderful short poem. In the brevity was the depth. remarkably good text, I voted for you. good luck in the contest. I liked "Lost without
Sight
Feeding on
My undisguised
Fright."-------- this... so unusual to say. But I loved all lines !! such a darkness here, such an absence of spiritual values, how darkness really is...

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Fascinating piece... almost dark and mysterious, i love how you think their afraid the unknown in the dark and it really is their afraid of their future. magnificent work.

[Robert Luna]

Heavy is the words of a person who seeks to change their path through life. That in itself is a difficult undertaking. Seeming that we are destine to be exactly what we are. But there are those of us out there that strive to change the world and ourselves. We speak in a way that cause the world to stop and take notice,



Great Job!!!!!!!!

[Dani California]

Bravo! I love the rhythm and rhyhm, and the content was intense and ..... felt.

Fantastic job on this, Brette!!

[Ice Queen of the Vampir..]

Wow. This is a really great poem. It has fantastic flow and is very nicely written. Awesome job!!!

Heather

[ElJays Nicholas]

To feel it in the body so acutely. Yes, fear is a disease that eats away at us from the inside out, especially when we feel compelled and destined for something we don't really want. As the fear comes from within, so must the savior come from within. Again, your words remind me of Pistis Sophia, when she feels alone and helpless. She is that aspect in each of us which feels this world is not her place, the ignorant world i mean. You are a beautiful soul, Brette. My love goes out to you...

[Janice Ann]

Very dramatic! Great words and great visually too...I can see a woman or man breathing in the fear, of what will happen next! Fantastic write, please come by and check out my stuff, I would greatly appreciate any feedback that you would have. And I really enjoyed your piece!

Rock on!
JaniceAnn