These Old Stripes

      These old stripes of mine ragged and torn,

Were born under the names of freedom and liberty.

  

           Battle scarred, persecuted at home and abroad

I die a little more each day.

 

      Stained with the blood of many a courageous man,

Dirtied and ripped from ages of injustice,

                      I wave high in the sky, cover the casket of the great men who've died;

Died for freedom, protection and patriotism.

 

There are those who wish me ill

But prevail I shall as I have for many centuries.

 

 

        Battle worn I'll forever remain with these old stripes of mine.

I am Old Glory and NO ONE shall keep me down.

 

Tear at my stars and stripes, beat me into submission

       Call the land of the free a farse

But remember all those I have blanketed in their time of need.

 

I AM OLD GLORY, no one shall keep me down

                   For the blood of the few have stained me for the life of the many.

 

 

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

This is a strong piece, and I think along similar lines whenever I hear horribly uninformed people talking badly about their country. They fail to think or talk about the people and the events that make them "feel" they way they do. It's like saying that a sunset isn't beautiful. Sunsets are beautiful -- everything else is simply opinion. That discussion, however, is for another day... Anyway, your poem... :)

Because of the length of the lines, I would suggest using punctuation as you would in a normal sentence. It keeps the reader from rear-ending words where there would normally be a pause, if that makes sense. For instance, just adding a comma after "mine" in the first line helped when I read it out loud...

These old stripes of mine, ragged and torn,
Were born under the names of freedom and liberty.

There were a couple other similar instances that I ran into in lines 9 (at the line break) and 11. Just look it over to see if it's something you'd consider changing. Lastly, it looks like you may have a typo in line 12 -- my = me?

Anyway, that's all I've got for today. Keep up the good work and feel free to send me anything else you want reviewed. Have a good one.

[An owl on the moon]

A powerful dedication to the symbol of our freedom!!! Thank you so much!!!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

A very beautiful tribute to all the soldiers that gave there lives for our freedoms. Round of applause!!

[Flow]

I like this peace for its meaning to me. very well done. It is unique with the message it sends~

[ShadowWolf]

Thank you!

Very few people truly understand what that flag symbolizes other than those who have served and continue to serve under those beautiful Stars and Stripes.

[Dezaraye]

I love this piece, Brette. I like how you've worked the font to place emphasis on some of the wording. It's a very powerful piece with wonderful imagery.