These Old Stripes

      These old stripes of mine ragged and torn,

Were born under the names of freedom and liberty.

  

           Battle scarred, persecuted at home and abroad

I die a little more each day.

 

      Stained with the blood of many a courageous man,

Dirtied and ripped from ages of injustice,

                      I wave high in the sky, cover the casket of the great men who've died;

Died for freedom, protection and patriotism.

 

There are those who wish me ill

But prevail I shall as I have for many centuries.

 

 

        Battle worn I'll forever remain with these old stripes of mine.

I am Old Glory and NO ONE shall keep me down.

 

Tear at my stars and stripes, beat me into submission

       Call the land of the free a farse

But remember all those I have blanketed in their time of need.

 

I AM OLD GLORY, no one shall keep me down

                   For the blood of the few have stained me for the life of the many.

 

 

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

This is a strong piece, and I think along similar lines whenever I hear horribly uninformed people talking badly about their country. They fail to think or talk about the people and the events that make them "feel" they way they do. It's like saying that a sunset isn't beautiful. Sunsets are beautiful -- everything else is simply opinion. That discussion, however, is for another day... Anyway, your poem... :)

Because of the length of the lines, I would suggest using punctuation as you would in a normal sentence. It keeps the reader from rear-ending words where there would normally be a pause, if that makes sense. For instance, just adding a comma after "mine" in the first line helped when I read it out loud...

These old stripes of mine, ragged and torn,
Were born under the names of freedom and liberty.

There were a couple other similar instances that I ran into in lines 9 (at the line break) and 11. Just look it over to see if it's something you'd consider changing. Lastly, it looks like you may have a typo in line 12 -- my = me?

Anyway, that's all I've got for today. Keep up the good work and feel free to send me anything else you want reviewed. Have a good one.

[Spoken]

i like the image you gave old glory, ragged and torn from battles waging and still he stands strong and true wearing the scars proudly. Very patriotic and well written!

[Michelle Anselm]

Beautiful! It really stirs my heart, and makes me respect this country again (for a moment). For it's not my flag, or my people, or my rights that make me wrinkle my nose, but how the handling of this country has gone downhill. This country is like a priceless jewel that lies locked away in a cupboard, collecting dust. It could shine anew again, in all its splendor, but the caretakers are not doing their jobs.

"Dirtied and ripped from ages of injustice."

That's exactly what I mean. This really speaks to me. And, I love the effect of the formatting. Bravo. (:

[Eric Blair]

Send this to President Bush immediately. Wonderful poem.

[emz]

I am a bit obsessed at the moment about reading anything related to the forces... i love this poem you have written with such heart... lovely


x

[Michael]

simply wonderful. It is hard to write a work about something so oft written about without sounding trite - you have done just that. Very fresh but still strong and solid in all respects.

You might like my work, "You cannot Burn My Flag"

[Robert Luna]

There was a time when this piece held more truth than now. I feel those that are told the fight and die for freedom today are being lied to. The are now a corporate army being lent to the highest bidder. Soldiers of misfortune as I like to think of them. Now don't get me wrong I do and will allows support our troops but I don't nor will I ever support this war. I feel the strength and conviction of our founding mothers and fathers was justified and they had purpose and reason. Today we fight for a lie and have been placed in a situation in which we can not pull out no matter what any candidate is promising. We are now stuck with a mess that a jackass trying to prove a point caused. I don't know how he can even look at himself in the mirror knowing what he has done. Oh wait yes I can he able to do it because he is soulless and a dumbass.

I loved your words and I felt their passion and the heart and hope they were written with. Never let anyone tell you to stop trying to change the world. Because of idealistic people like ourselves it is possible to achieve it.

Well Done!!!!!!!

[BrightEyes]

a very strong piece indeed - the last line here packs a very powerful punch - "For the blood of the few have stained me for the life of the many." I know this country has it's problems - but I still think it's the best game in town.

laura

[Forest Green]

Beautiful poem...moving throughout. How wonderfully you have said what so many feel...and I commend you for that, Brette.

You are an amazing poet...!

Daniel

[robin]

"NO ONE shall keep MY down" is that me or my? (the first one). This is wonderful. It could be "for the blood of the few have stained me "Patriot" for the life of the many, Or "stained me, sustained/secured me"...I like the spirit of this. How awkward it is for all nations in the Quandry of our current affairs. Do they call to their own god (s) for resolution or victory in these end of days? And made of hemp like the constitution, lest we forget. We hold these Truths to be self evident...