Chaos

Spoken word poem... something old but still my favorite of my rhymes.

She's falling, ends up crawling, wallowing in self-pity.

She cries because of her lies that ties her to her demise,

Her hands tremble like the skeleton they resemble.

Her sorrow binds, wrapping around her like vines, she whimpers and whines,

The unearthly rasp of her voice makes her gasp but there's nothing to grasp

As the ground falls away, there's nothign she can say, death has its way.

She is silenced in her last stance of defiance, no more reliance

On the ones who put her here, no longer filled with fear

Of what she doesn't know, doesn't have to put on a show

For what she doesn't believe in, all that wordly sin.

With the forces of light, the power unearthly, unbound take flight.

The chaos within that rages, fluctuating in stages of crimes

Of superstition she has supposedly commited against her religion.

She pines for a night, quiet, dead and without sight

Where she can pray for a day without pain and sorrow for the coming of the morrow.

Reviews

[jen -- JG]

This is a great piece of work. I really like it.

This is something that CAN NOT be read fast - it does not have a regular meter so important in most rhyming poetry but then THIS is not a regular poem.

This is a spoken word poem - where a story is told by the reader, with all the pauses and theatrical movement required - a type of monologue if you will.

It is a far cry from just reading a normal poem. When read using the punctuation as a proper guide, the feel of the story comes across better - it simply can not be rushed through.

I can see the stage where this should be read. A poets' reading den... the room filled with soft voices and the ching of coffe cups on saucers, then a spotlight sears the stage and illuminates a figue standing still.. The room falls silent and a voice begins to speak... to tell the story. Her voice is gentle, then raises in speed, volume and intensity as the story unfolds- falling to a gentle sound ... almost like a prayer as the final words are spoken. The room errupts with the sound of clicking fingers ... a reading poet's greatest award.

A lot of Shakespear's work could be read this way as he also used internal line rhyming.

This is a good theatrical monologue a spoken word poem that tells a good story.

VERY WELL DONE

jen-JG

[ShadowWolf]

A powerful picture you paint! One can "feel' the pain and desperation.

[Kelley Pascoe]

I hope your life is not all " pain and sorrow" ? (smile)
Another great write!!!! Keep it up.
Kelley Frost

[Lalli]

since i am a spoken word artist, I can completely heard this poem being read. Altho i wish i could hear the tempo, and influxuations you'd use to stress emphasis on whichever words chosen.

Its a great poem, i'd give it a 9.4 at a slam! lol.. I"m a fan of couplets of rhymes, if used effectively and i feel you've done that here. As well as mixing in a bit of freeverse to keep the audience alert so that can not predict that the next word will rhyme, or getting caught within the rythmn. . glad i got to read it

much love n respect

-Lalli

[robin]

Indeed where? This is like a monologue intro to a great play or performance. Are the sorrow and superstition against the religion whose god's created All? Fantastic. More please.

This is very good. I love the rhyme. This is very good.

[Lucinda Bogart]

You captured the demise and undoing of a very wounded soul...the tragedy in black and white and so many long nights.

[AaronPhobia]

I loved it, I could imagine the sorrow and feel it just by imagining every little thing you wrote

i love it

-Aaron

[Jacqueline]

This brings readers into this tortured girl's life so vividly! Yo can feel the desperation, the pain, the thin threads of hope and all. I love your style in your storytelling; it's a compelling piece!

[E York]

I like this! You really brought depression to life. I also like the (perhaps unintentional?) dig at religions condemning suicides...I just can't believe that God would send a person to Hell just because he killed himself...Well, maybe it's just my wishful thinking, but I'm pretty sure that whole suicide and Hell thing was made up by scared people trying to keep those they loved from killing themselves. I don't know...

I also liked the way you did your rhyme scheme. You added more than one rhyme in a line; that was cool. I can't stand writing poetry that rhymes myself, so I always admire people who can rhyme and not lose what they're trying to say in a struggle for words with "consonance and assonance." To me, it's a crock, but to people like you, it's an artform. I respect that. : )

Anyway, while reading this, I got a very stronge image of an unhappy nun fighting against her beliefs and her feelings. That's probably not even close to why you wrote it, but that's what I saw.

[Bill Grimes Jr.]

I close my eyes and can feel the deep flow and poignant message of this piece Brette.

"She cries because of her lies that ties her to her demise,"

Guilty of this myself. :-)

Excellent poetry my friend.

Peace,

Bill