entombed

She carries sorrow in her blood, 
Like a sweet perfume; it taints the air we breathe
And we suffocate on her scent of misery. 
But she is dressed in all smiles and all laughs
So we can never tell the death she carries in her, 
But it bleeds out, just like her scent spreads through the air, 
We can see her face coming undone, 
Her disguise unhinging
Revealing her desolate, rotting insides
And the corpses she has buried in her.

Author's Note

a bit different from my usual poems

Reviews

[Michael G. Smith]

Ahh, yes those that mask the soul. You, tell their tale well.

[Riley Bray]

This poem is both chillingly cryptic and royally magnificent. It is true, this is not your usual style, but it is amazing. If I could award you such a title, I would deem you a Wordsmith. There were a few minor details that got me, though, so here you go for future reference:

So we can never tell the death she carries in her,--------------------You've already used the word carries, so why not hold or something like that?

But it bleeds out, just like her scent spreads through the air,----This seems like the end of a thought, so perhaps a period instead of a comma?

Her disguise unhinging------------------------------------------------------------To match up with the rest of this poem and highlight the pause, maybe you should add another comma here.

Again, the criticism was minor and my thoughts on this poem were excellent. While you seem to think this out of your comfort zone, I ask humbly for you to do more like this. I hope to read more of your works soon!

[Extant]

I love how you build the image of the poem. "But she dresses in all smiles and all laughs," is a great line, like all those people who wear a mask. Overall, the meaning of the poem is wonderful. I really enjoyed reading this.

[SyberRose]

I think you described the sorrow well...so sad...nicely penned azriel...:)

[Eddie Phillips]

I like the imagery. It flows well too. I like the way you end this most of all because it is a bit aloof. She is dying emotionally, spiritually, and possibly even physically. All the while she smiles and leaves a scent of rancor. This is just a stunning poem. I wish I could write like this. Keep it flowing.

[.]

:: stunning poetry... you are so skillful in the way you etch an image... excellent detailing... and such a powerful piece... it reminds me of some people i have known... they're oh so deceptive...

[Azriel]

thank you serah, really glad you enjoyed it :)

[.]

:)

[Chidoriflower]

The imagery is shockingly pleasant, and it reminds me of when Jesus was talking to the Pharisees....So beautiful but deadly and lonely, this is brilliant. Wonderful.

[Azriel]

thanks, also could you tell me the scripture you are referring to ?

[Chidoriflower]

When Jesus said the Pharisees were like white tombs on the outside, but skeletons in the inside; something like that. >.>

[Sami Khalil]

"But she is dressed in all smiles and all laughs
So we can never tell the death she carries in her,
But it bleeds out, just like her scent spreads through the air, "
A bit different but a good one...:)

[Azriel]

thanks, glad you enjoyed it sami.

[Sami Khalil]

I did....You are welcome...:)