Coward

Trapped under icy seas i am drowning
I am freezing In a world of lies. 
I see them walking on the surfac, 
Merry as can be, and loved by the radiance of the sun. 
But under this placid lake I am alone, 
How could they not see me, not hear my desperate calls? 

Time has had its way with me and I am frozen,

Apathetic to the searing burns of these dark desolate waters 
No one to hear my cries
On the surface, they all walk over my miserable deadly state.
But soon, I know the day shall come

When they will hear me and not just see my silhouette, 
When I will be lifted from these waters and restored.

But until then can you please unthaw my freezing soul? 

For I am too weak, too shallow to find my way out.

Reviews

[Chet]

I am very new here, and this is the first writing I am responding to. Each poem I read teaches me more about myself than I ever expect. I really like how you opened this with such vivid imagery of being trapped under a frozen world. That's exactly how I feel sometimes. Thank you for sharing this.

[Riley Bray]

I like this poem Azriel! It seems like you worked hard on it, and boy does it show. The only thing I have to point out is a minor spelling issue. You see, on your third line you say, "I see them walking on the surfac," but the last word should be spelled surface. :) Asides from that, though, great poem!

[Akashi]

Great job on this one!

[Eddie Phillips]

Cowards are trapped and hiding at the same time. You express that well. Sometimes a person cowers in fear just to survive. It is not because they don't want to be a part of the interaction, often its because they can't bring themselves to do it. It is not always voluntary and you expressed that very well. The desire to one day come out of the cold and be amongst the rest. Great Job as usual!

[Robin]

Very moving and full of great imagery. You never let me down. Great job.

[Azriel]

thanks robin, glad you liked it.

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing description for the word coward. I especially like the closing lines.
"But until then can you please unthaw my freezing soul?
For I am too weak, too shallow to find my way out."
I like the feel of desperation and the use of the cold. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Azriel]

thank you, i really do appreciate your kind words.

[unsavable_soul]

Nice piece Azriel,
Very nice piece, I mean really. Such descriptive levels that remain within the concept of the frozen lake. I felt there were great amounts of mental imagery and solid word usage to convey a haunting echo of hope. Those that ignore are missing the light. This is excellent, though I did notice a typo here...

"I see them walking on the surfac"
Surface*

My favored lines were these
"Apathetic to the searing burns of these dark desolate waters
No one to hear my cries
On the surface, they all walk over my miserable deadly state."
I felt they capture the state of this piece in grace and style. Very dark piece, I love it. Please read request me your favorite piece you've done I get the feeling I will be very happy to view it.
Sincerely
Christopher
100/100

[Azriel]

thanks chris, glad you pointed out that typo... and i'll be sure to send that.

[Trigorin]

Not bad. I'd say look over this for capitalization, as while you've made some choices in that regard, they don't seem to have any real reason behind them. You use some very good imagery but be careful not to overdo it. Overall, good work.

[Azriel]

thanks i'll have to work on that.

[.]

:: wow... your gift for poetic expression is astounding... you craft very vivid and expressive images... i loved this piece... especially the last two lines... it's a stunning closing... very unexpected... this "coward" sounds like a very earnest, honest and sincere person... very willing to face himself/herself... i would respect such a person... i respect people who are willing and ready to confront their weaknesses and ask for help...

[Azriel]

thank you serah, as usual your words continue to inspire me and i too would respect such a person (:

[.]

:)

[SasuSakuLoVer]

Hmmmm impresive indeed,Good job on writing poem!

[Azriel]

thank you.