Overgrown

This over abounding frenzy grows all over us

Covering everything that made up our ex-lives.
But somehow this over growing fauna blocks out the sun
Stopping us dead in our tracks, 

Once we became blinded by the light, 
But now, more so by this abundance of life
Ungroomed it forms all over us, all over our love.
This unruly, sinister creature blocks out our innocent ways 
Spreading its broken branches into our backs, and killing our days
Poisoning our sacred love; its presence a dreadful blight

And from the outside it's seen as beauty

 As the splendor of the world.
All the colors serenading and surrounding us constantly  
And the roses to them, amplifying our love ever so brilliantly 
But what will it take to get these thorny pickers out of our backs
And Back into the ground?

 

Reviews

[unsavable_soul]

Azriel
This is a very nice piece. Very interesting conveyances, also very good mental imagery. Here is where my honesty comes in, I wasn't really feeling this piece as much as some of your others, not that it is bad, I just didn't get the overall message or idea. Sorry.
Sincerely
Christopher
P.S. I think I am just extra slow today so, sorry.

[Azriel]

thanks christopher, i really appreciate you taking the time out to comment on this... as i said in a previous comment "i must admit that when writing this i hardly put much meaning behind it... i just had the image of nature becoming so overbearing on something pure (like love) that it ended up stifling it and eventually destroying it. yet an overabundance of nature is usually seen as a good thing... so was just attempting to show a different perspective on things..." so it's all good, kinda left this up to the reader to put their own meaning to it...

[unsavable_soul]

I grasped that idea. I just wasn't sure if there was something deeper involved with the writing and metaphor like elements.
Thank you Azriel, and it is still a very nice piece. More so even.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Extant]

Its interesting how you relate this blight upon your relationship to a plant. For me, though, the first part of the second stanza is confusing the poem for me, I don't think it needs to be there. I really like the line "Spreading its broken branches into our backs, and killing our days". Overall, good ideas and I like the poem, but I think it could be revised a bit.

[Riley Bray]

This was a stunning poem and I bow my hat for this. It provokes a large amount of thought and was definitely well written. My only nitpick was your, "over growing," should be overgrowing. Asides from that, a splendid job!!

[Eddie Phillips]

I have been gone for a while and to come back to read something so masterful makes me very happy. I enjoyed the message, the story, and the imagery you conveyed in this piece. You grow more and more in your talent as a writer. I am floored every time I read one of your poems. You are unique and gifted. I look forward to reading more from you.

[Robin]

And you do it again. Yes you make me fall in love with your poetry every time. Loved this one. Great write.

[Azriel]

thank you so much, really appreciate your kind words.

[Sami Khalil]

"Once we became blinded by the light,
But now, more so by this abundance of life
Ungroomed it forms all over us, all over our love."
I like the whole poem and its message but those lines stood out for me...Well penned...:)

[Azriel]

thank you, glad you enjoyed it

[Sami Khalil]

I did... You are welcome...:)

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Brilliant write and excellent read.

[Azriel]

thank you.

[.]

~ wow... i am stunned by your brilliance... this is an extremely powerful comment on our times... (at least that's how i'm reading this post)... for me, this "frenzy" is all the "hype" that is artificially created in the contemporary world... i can't stand it... it's very unpoetic... and unaesthetic... ~ i truly wish we paid more attention to natural beauty...

[Azriel]

wow thank you so much serah, you're far too kind... i really loved your interpretation of it as well, i must admit that when writing this i hardly put much meaning behind it... i just had the image of nature becoming so overbearing on something pure (like love) that it ended up stifling it and eventually destroying it. yet an overabundance of nature is usually seen as a good thing... so was just attempting to show a different perspective on things... nevertheless your interpretation puts a really great meaning behind it :)

[.]

~ ah... well... i guess the things on my mind made me think in another direction... glad you're okay with my interpretation... ~ this poem is really powerful if it can be applied to multiple situations... imho... keep writing... :)