Tunnel Vision

I am sick of sleeping on your bed of nails, 
I have become so weary of the pain,

Of the needles being driven into my spine
So long now this knife has been in my back, 
It's rusting and forming into quite the tunnel of memories. 
But don't pull it out, 
(You can't pull it out, )
It’s a trap, it's all part of the curse I have been given.
Pull them out and the wounds will not bleed 
They'll close and if they do I'm afraid I'll forget you 

So each and every morning I polish them up,

Make sure they're in my spine just right 
Just to remember your name
Just to remember the feeling of your hand sinking its way into me.
Truth is it's become so hard-
Walking with all these Machines in me.

 

Reviews

[Eddie Phillips]

Beautiful description and perceptual inflection in this poem. You hit something here that many people can identify with. Another great poem.

[Debra Wedin]

Omg!!!
I seriously have felt this way before.
Your words are absolutely perfect!!
Thank you for sharing

[Chidoriflower]

Ouch...well said, nails. It seems so bleak, but strangely aesthetic. Excellent!

[Azriel]

thank you.

[Extant]

A lot said in such little time. I guess it is true that in the end we remember people more by the pain they caused us, than by the happiness they gave us. Also in this I see a lack of forgiveness; you don't want the knife removed, otherwise you'd be forced to forgive. Gruesome images that I love.

[Azriel]

thank you, i really appreciate your words... and im glad you picked up on the part about forgiveness, that's actually one of the main points i was attempting to bring across.

[Extant]

You're welcome. I believe you brought it across well.

[unsavable_soul]

Strong piece,
You have quite the nice piece here. Such damning emotions and yet need for that which pains. The whole idea of I'd rather feel your pain then nothing at all. I think this subject lacks enough attention by most artists. I am so pleased you were able to lay yourself out like this. I will say I didn't get where the machines in the end of your piece come in to play. I miss a lot though sometimes.

"It's rusting and forming into quite the tunnel of memories.
But don't pull it out,
(You can't pull it out, )"

I loved this set of lines. very original thought conveyance to me. You offer up a good piece, and some food for thought.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Azriel]

thank you christopher, you have no idea how much your words mean to me... "machines" is used to show the extent to which the past experience have become a part of me, like it's a fully functioning machine in me...

[unsavable_soul]

It is a very interesting thought behind the machines, you might consider incorporating them into the body of the piece a little more to give an allusion to the ending and it's profound nature. References in words such as wires, mainframe, and many other forms of technology that can become metaphor to the meaning thus making the ending blow the readers mind up a bit. The allusions being added in would make the reader go "What's with all the machine talk" Then the end hits and it all come clear and they have to look back at the piece again to grasp the whole context. Just some food for thought. Again very nicely done. You already are and will only be more of a great writer Azriel.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Azriel]

that's a great idea, i'll be working on a 2nd version for sure, thank you.

[unsavable_soul]

Let me know.
Chris

[Robin]

Sometimes remembering is the lesser of two evils albeit painful. This you have portrayed perfectly my friend. great job.

[Azriel]

thanks robin :)

[.]

~ there's no freedom from those "nails" until we grieve about what happened to our satisfaction... that's why i don't undermine any pain... and i don't believe in falsely stopping inner grieving... ~ and that includes continuing to write as we need to... so that we don't break our own hearts...

[Azriel]

i fully agree with this, especially the point of falsely stopping inner grieving... i believe it's always better for yourself and those around you to honestly sort out your grieving, rather than putting on a mask, and pretend that everything is fine... and of course writing is one of the best ways to actually deal with that grieving.

[.]

~ absolutely... masks harm like malignant tumours would...

[Sami Khalil]

A powerful write on pain and suffering...Well penned...:)

[Azriel]

thank you.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)