Survival Mode

You put me into this survival mode...

You, made me deaf to the sound of my own soul,
Oh how time has had its way with me

 And I wish I could still call it my own.
While the tides were having their way with me

 And currents tearing me asunder; you appeared on the horizon,

A ghostly phantasm; my only salvation.

We thought you were my savior,

 An escape from these vicious circles

But instead you made us, made me into a sham.
Now my heart unhinges, like every door you closed on me

Like every promise you made
And I feel wretched, more than I have ever felt before.

 

But I still want more; I can still sink lower,

I can still fall lower for you. 
Waves constantly push, and pull me

-on and off the shores of your love,

Will I ever leave this nautical nightmare? 

At night, my sorrow borrows its way into my sleep,

 Digging its way deeper into me.

I hate sleepwalking on these broken bones

But I can no longer keep these dreams away,

Like I can no longer keep the wolves at bay. 

 So won't you save me?

Won't you come, pick me up and dust me off,

Put me back on your unhinging shelf?
Or am I too broken, too scarred for you to repair?

Author's Note

a bit old, but still open to criticism.

Reviews

[Luna Kusan]

Deep, almost lost in its own thought. Intresting..yet...cold all at once

[Azriel]

thank you... and i do suppose it's lost in it's own world/ thought...

[Luna Kusan]

Of course

[.]

~ well... i don't have the skills needed for critiquing poetry... i can only express how i felt when i read this poem... ~ and i felt the pain of being in this situation... ~ i've begged for mercy before someone over and over again... and i think it was such a humbling experience... that i emerged stronger... and realized that i was begging before a beggar... ~ one day, just like that, i stopped begging... i found myself... never to lose myself again... maybe for a few minutes or a day... but never in any significant way... i know who i am now...

[Azriel]

yep, and knowing who you are, is the best feeling, as you won't need to depend on anyone, or need to need to beg. again thank you for sharing this.

[.]

~ you're very welcome...

[Singing Bird]

At night my sorrow borrows its way into my sleep,
Digging its way deeper into me. ......Also..
I hate sleepwalking on these broken bones
Great lines Azriel. Enjoyed the poem. Those of us and others who have gone through these travails. It conjures up memories.

[Azriel]

thank you for your kind words, i appreciate them.

[Singing Bird]

As we appreciate the sharing of your poetry.

[Trigorin]

You have a good concept here, but don't forget that not every line has to be capped. If you take out just about every comma in this it would read more smoothly. You use some good imagery in this, however I think you might have taken the 'questioning' thing a bit too far in the last stanza - I'd suggest leading up to one single question to keep the stakes high.

[Azriel]

thank you for your input, i too was starting to realize how i was overusing those commas and periods, so i will take heed to your advice. Again thanks for your suggestions.