always leaving

She is forever fleeting, forever leaving. 
A ghost, she calls my forsaken name in the winds that come and go, 
In the passing of times that push us all to and fro,

Towards the future or from the past,

We shall never know. 
But her presence made me stop ages ago,

No future /no past,
This is how I'd like to remember the effect of her in my veins. 
But fire is all I see and it's all I feel,

 The smell of burning flesh, polluting the air, 
and smoke signaling the start of a never ending war.

2 

They'll talk of this battle in the annuls of ages gone, 
But who will ever speak of our love,

 That passed us by so swiftly, so calmly? 
And who will remember the days,

 When we made the gods forsake the sky, 
When we made them jealous of our love? 
The truth is dear, no one will, 
No one will remember our ex -lives.

 

Author's Note

different from what I usually do, still open to any criticism.

Reviews

[mariehelene]

very sad, and very true I am afraid. Well done

[Azriel]

thank you.

[mariehelene]

very sad , and I am afraid very true. well done

[Melissa Allen]

Azriel, I love the way you pieced this together. The words danced in my mind and made such an impact on that feeling of lost love. It really captures and honors lost love too as Tennyson once wrote "better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". I loved your reference to Greek mythology, I do remember the stories of jealousy and scorn as the Gods witnessed human love and how they so desired it.
-M

[Azriel]

thank you so much, really appreciate your words, and i'm glad you got the reference to the greek mythology.

[Debra Wedin]

Wow...that was great.
I truly felt what you were saying.
Very nice!
Loss is always devastating

[Azriel]

thanks for your kind words... and yes loss is always devastating.

[Debra Wedin]

You are more then welcome!

[LeeAnne Elizabeth]

I really like this piece. You really captured the feelings of loss well. My (still lovely and wonderful) ex-boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago, so I can really relate to this piece. Very well written. :)

[Azriel]

thanks for the review, really appreciate it LeeAnne. im sorry to hear about your relationship, but what can i say? at least time heals all wounds. Also Im glad you were able to relate to the poem although losing love is one of the worst feelings ever.

[LeeAnne Elizabeth]

You're welcome. :)

[.]

~ well... i once wrote this way about the Gods and someone very wise reminded me of Lucifer... ~ am not saying you should change anything in this piece... just stating my perspective at the outset... ~ other than this reference, i think this poem is powerfully written... the images in the last six lines of the first stanza are particularly consuming... the intensity of the relationship being described reaches the reader in a strong way... ~ i also liked the structure of this piece... what i mean is the manner in which you've divided this piece in two stanzas... and i thought the last two lines are especially compelling... specifically the expression "ex-lives"... very innovative word-crafting i must say... overall, an excellent read... you are definitely a natural who writes effortlessly...

[Azriel]

wow, thank you for your kind words, they really mean a lot to me, especially coming from someone as talented as you. In reference to the "gods" i was more so referring to gods such as the gods in greek mythology. It's more of an allusion as there were various stories of these "gods" coming down to earth to find love as they were jealous of the humans love. So when i write about the "gods" in this context it has nothing to do with my religious beliefs, as i refer to fictitious "god beings". However i do believe in a God, the only God, and would never address Him in such a way in my poems. But i do see how it can be confusing or misleading.
Again thanks for your review

[.]

~ ah... i didn't realize the depth of your reference... am not too familiar with Greek Gods... ~ and... you're very welcome... it's a privilege to read your work... :)

[Azriel]

you're far too kind, and i usually dont use references like that nor am i knowledgeable of greek gods, it's just something that stuck with me from reading all those greek mythologies from young.

[.]

~ haha... no, no... kindness is not a quality usually associated with me... i just have exquisite taste in poetry... :)

~ p.s. i do need to know more about Greek Mythology...

[Azriel]

hmmm, but you have only showed me kindness by your words, therefore you are kind :)
and yes you should check up more on greek mythology, there's a lot of great stories there, most of them quite poetic in their nature.

[.]

~ well... you are a gifted poet... only a complete fool would not be able to tell from your verse... ~ as for Greek Mythology...will do... :)

[Azriel]

wow thank you, and also i will try to find, if i remember them, some of the more interesting greek stories

[.]

:)

[Robin]

How sad it is when we lose the one we love. You have captured the essence of this feeling very well. Keep up the great work. I look forward to reading more.

[Azriel]

thank you for such kind words, really means the world to me.

[Dhaye]

There's someone who will still remember your past...you yourself is the one. The memories of past love is a bittersweet retention of what we felt before.
Reminds me of how desperate I am when I loved and lost. Today, it's just one of my bittersweet memoirs. Good work!

[Azriel]

yes! that's exactly how i felt and what was going through my mind while writing this. also thank you for your kind words.

[Dhaye]

You're welcome.

[SyberRose]

When we made the gods forsake the sky,
When we made them jealous of our love?

I enjoyed your words azriel...thank you for posting...SyberRose

[Azriel]

thank you for the review, and your kind words, i look forward to more of your work.