Breaking and Entering 101

Are you running with the right crowd?

“Jensen? Jensen! Wake up!”

Syla blinked and looked around. Next to her was Kadro Banks, a Vigilant. Kadro was a blond fourteen-year-old boy, the Vigilantes' expert in Breaking and Entering. He always wore a red shirt and long blue jeans that hung over his tennis shoes in a loose, baggy way. He wore black gloves at all time--to prevent fingertips in his line of work. He had a joking smile that seemed to light up his odd golden-brown colored eyes, and he was staring at her in exasperation.

“Jensen! We have a job to do!” he said again.

“What? Oh--Oh right. Sorry Kadro.” Syla said, grinning sheepishly. They were standing on the roof of some building in Third Square, where they were waiting for a signal from Blake and Tayla.

“Run it by me again--what are we doing on a rooftop in Third Square for?” she asked.

“We're waiting for Blake and Tayla to distract the guy who owns the building. There's something in there that Blake wants at. And you've been here long enough to know that no one doesn't do what Blake tells them to.” Kadro answered.

Syla winced. Oh yeah.

While they were waiting, she thought back to one week ago, when she had followed Blake, Burn, and Tayla to the Vigilante warehouse...

Blake walked in to the warehouse, and immediately the teens assembled there grew quiet. He swept in to the room with Burn, Tayla, and Syla in his wake.

He signaled to his party to stay there while he went over to a pile of crates piled in the back of the warehouse. He jumped up to the top one with ease and called the Vigilantes to order.

“Everyone, can I have your attention?” It wasn't a question.

“We have a new Vigilant in our ranks. Everyone, meet Syla Jensen, formerly of the

Harbinger Orphan's Home.” he said, gesturing to Syla in the back.

Syla froze. She had never been good in front of crowds. But at a rough shove from Burn, she had walked out to the center of the room and was looking up at Blake, meeting his gaze.

“Welcome to the Vigilantes.” he said.

“That's the signal!”

Syla jumped and followed Kadro down the opened skylight of the building. The flash of a small silver chain in the streetlight had met Kadro's hand. The signal.

She descended the rope with surprising agility, jumping down alongside Kadro into the dark, depressing atmosphere of the room.

“Kad, where is it?” she asked her partner.

“In the back. Follow me.” Kadro whispered. He set off to the back of the room, Syla trailing in his wake, trying hard not to sneeze at the dusty interior of the area.

Feeling his way along the wall, Kadro stopped and tested the doorknob of the room.

Locked.

“Crud. Okay, Jensen, keep watch. I'll have to break in the old-fashioned way.” Kadro said. From his pocket, he pulled out an old, expired credit card. He set the plastic into the crack of the door and slowly slid down, quietly jiggling the doorknob as he worked.

Unnerved by the silence of the room, Syla stood still and watched the main door of the building. The guy who owned this place could be back in any moment. And even if they did get into that room before he got back, he was bound to notice the open skylight and a rope hanging out of it!

“Okay. We're in.” Kadro hissed after about fifteen seconds of unsettling silence.

He opened the door and let himself and Syla in, closing the door without letting it click.

“We're looking for a box. A kind of small, rectangular cardboard box.” Kadro told her. He set off, working his way along the right side shelves of the room.

Syla worked on the left, feeling her way through. Shelves containing all manner of oddly shaped objects met her gloved hand, and she wondered what kind of shop this was, anyways. It reminded her of a shop she had visited in her youth.

“Wait.” Kadro froze.

Syla stopped as well.

She heard an urgent tapping from the room beyond them. Someone from outside was trying to tell them time was almost up.

“Hurry!” Syla hissed.

She set to her work more determined than before. She had no idea what Blake wanted, or why, but she knew she wouldn't want to disappoint him. She had heard that the last person to do that--mysteriously disappeared the day after.

“We're out of time! We've got to get out now, Jensen!” Kadro warned her as the tapping abruptly ceased. He headed towards the door.

Syla didn't answer, only sped up her work. She heard the door open and the ascent of Kadro as he left up the rope. Rule Number One: Get out before you get caught. One of the rules all Vigilantes lived by to stay alive.

Her hands fell on a small box. She had found it! But time was already up. She heard the angry shouts of the store owner and the door to the storage room burst open with a bang.

“What the--” the shop owner stared into the room. He had turned on the dim light bulb, but the light it offered was only enough to see two feet.

Syla clutched the box to her chest and pressed against the wall. She watched the store owner head into the room and cast a wary look around. He was old, and his eyes looked kind of dull. He must not have been able to see very well. But scars that tattooed his arms warned Syla not to approach him lightly.

She crept along the back wall, her gaze never leaving the old man, as she made her slow way to the door.

“Who's in here? Show yerself!” the old man shouted. “Yer not one of those derned gang people are ya?”

Syla knew she couldn't make it to the door; the old man was still blocking it. She would have to make some sort of diversion.

She grabbed the nearest thing to her--a ball of some kind--and flung it as hard as she could. She hit one of the shelves and the ancient metalwork collapsed to the ground in a mighty, dusty CRASH!

The old man was at the scene in an instant. Syla dove out the door, grabbed hold of the rope, and climbed up it like a monkey, the box still clutched to her chest.

“THERE YOU ARE!” she heard the old man scream. She heard the c**k of a rifle and her breath caught in her throat.

Suddenly, she felt herself pulled up by strong arms and she jumped up onto the roof. The glass skylight suddenly shattered as the bullet made contact with the fragile glass and sped into the night.

BANG!

Syla looked up into the faces of Kadro, Blake, and Tayla. Kadro was holding a hand to his heart, as if to dispel a heart attack. He grinned at her.

“Usually it takes a Vigilant two weeks to get shot at. You just broke the record, Jensen!” he said.

Blake looked at her. She smiled weakly and handed him the box. She was waiting for her own racing heart to calm.

“Nice work, Jensen. But the next time someone tells you to get the heck out of somewhere, do it, okay?” he asked her.

“Sure.” Syla managed.

She quailed under the daggers Tayla was fixing her with.

“Um...” Syla said haltingly as another panel of glass shattered, “Can we go?”

BANG!

The man fired again--though he didn't have to. The Vigilantes were gone.

Author's Note

Chapter two is finally up! I considered cutting it in half but...it's short enough already.

Reviews

[Mary Evans]

Nitpick time.
“was looking up at Blake, meeting his gaze.” If she’s looking at him it’s obvious she met his gaze. Pick only one of the descriptions.
I’d suggest you work on the transition between action and flashback a bit too.

“She descended the rope with surprising agility, jumping down alongside Kadro into the dark, depressing atmosphere of the room.” I think it would sound better as 2 separate sentences.

“back in any moment.” No need of “in.”

“this was, anyways.” Strictly speaking “anyways” is not grammatically correct form. It got popular in written text because it’s often used in dialogues. So I’d advise you keep its usage mostly for such.

“the glass skylight …. the fragile glass” repetition.

I feel the story needs a bit more details of the atmosphere. You describe the actions pretty well but try giving the reader feeling of the surroundings as well. One other thing you should consider is – transitions. Yours are a bit too sudden, which isn’t a bad thing; you just need to plan them out more carefully. Even though it might not seems so, smooth transitions are important if you want to keep your audience’s attention. (I still can’t quite get over the fact they are kids too, just 14 seems too young.)

Overall nice, good action, good progress, after a revision it will be perfect. Keep up the good work.

[compositionc]

It's a great chapter! I loved it. Syla seems determined to prove herself in this gang of...gang of...ganagsters. Blake's being too nice. Kad's cool. Tayla still scares me.