My Snow White Queen

The door is locked; there’s no looking back now. I undress in the dark, and curl up in a ball, attempting to hide from you. Completely.

Why do you ask this of me? You know nothing about me. I can’t help you; I’ll never love you. Your words have haunted me; my worst nightmare is you.

I wake with frozen fear. I can feel your hands on my skin; cold, rough and demanding. I try but I can’t scream. I can’t scream.

You’ve turned me into something I can’t escape from. You’re everywhere. I can’t sleep with you in my dreams.

“My Snow White Queen ~ you’re mine. Don’t scream, don’t cry, because I know someday you’ll see. Someday you’ll love me back. Now there’s nowhere for you to run. My love, let’s get this over with.”

 I can’t help you, stop! You’re wasting your time! I’m going crazy and you’re hurting me-just watching me as I tear myself apart. My wounds from you are deeper than the scars on my arms ever were.

Reviews

[N.A. Deakins]

Well, each paragraph is interesting, and the descriptions work good. However, I felt like you were skipping from different scenes.

[Azalea Belle]

Hi! Thanks for the review! I'm actually editing this right now to try to create a better flow and add more detail. But as a quick clarification, its all supposed to be a string of thoughts on one scene.

[M. L. Zane]

Hello, Azalea. Apologies for the absence, but hey, book's done. Check out Song of Sinai on Amazon. Kindle only right now, but better there than nowhere.

Anyway, I'd like to see some more sickening detail in this, especially when the antagonist's hands are on Snow White's skin. Let's feel some icy claws, see some hungry eyes...all that good stuff. You've got a talent for imagery, and you should exploit this. So, more, more, more images. Paint me a picture.

Your tone is spot on, and I cannot complain. In fact, the only reason I'm mentioning this is because I feel you do not realize this strength. You set the stage very well, and if you really push your imagery, it should be even better. Give us another draft.

Anyway, check out Song of Sinai. I think you'll like it a lot.

Regards,
-M.L. Zane

[A. Amos]

Interesting poetry with your whole emotions involved, good write my friend and I enjoyed reading