Lost Love

A Story by azalea

This is my real life story about how I lost the only love in my life

Wondering why life loses taste ??
I guess for me it is because I lost the love of my life over 20 years ago or is it because my life has no meaning any more. I have to admit I now have a loving wife and very smart loving kids but still my heart beats a different tune and misses my first and maybe my only true love.....
The most painful thing is that I never dared to tell her how much I love her thinking that my eyes have told everything already, I was so naive. Finally after 2 years I had the courage to just say few words about some study materials for University stuff but my whole body was shaking inside and I am sure it showed. Few months later she was taken I mean she was in a serious relationship with someone else and within a year she was married. I never knew that someone can tear apart my heart while it is still beating inside me. I have never cried like this in my life and the painful part is I never let anyone know about this. I would be laughing with my friends and if you ever meet me you will never think for a moment that I carry this inside my heart, locked in the most inner compartments of my soul all the time.

She was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, she was very confident, social and got a lot of admirers, she was always surrounded and I think she comes from a rich family. Me On the other hand I felt like I was created completely the opposite of everything she was... I think the most beautiful thing I possess is my heart but unfortunately how could I have got her to see it or feel it. Sometimes I wish I had a choice of how I look but this is not a choice any of us has or can ever have, she never had a choice either. I think it was already decided before we were both born that this would be my fate to fall in love with her and get torn over this for the rest of my life. If I were blind then my dark world would have been a bless that would have protected my heart and my soul from the deep scars that seeing and meeting her caused me for the rest of my life.

Fast forward 20 years later I left my country where I grew up and fell in love and immigrated thousands of miles away and started a new life got married had kids. To my shock I saw her again by accident!!! In a split second all the wounds that never healed opened up again as if not a single moment passed since I first fell in love with her. I still remember when I saw her I was getting into the elevator and as the door was closing I saw her face outside the elevator, I was in a shock I didn't press any buttons and just stood inside like a statue trying to grasp what I just saw....

Why am I so tormented with this love? I went back after I collected myself and managed to talk to her she remembered me and my name right away which made me a little happy and wondering does she know how much I loved her? she seemed happy in her marriage and she now has two kids who are much older than mine since she got married long time ago.We talked casually for few minutes then I excused myself and left.

I am now an old man but my heart still feels as young as the first time I laid my eyes on her. I have spent countless hours of my life dreaming that we are together and imagining how it would feel to hold her and even dare to kiss her. I guess I will never know. I think if I have a chance to request one wish that will come true, it would be to stare closely into her eyes, hold her close to me and kiss her then I don’t mind if that moment would be the last beat of life in me.....

I wish I never fell in love !! But still those moments when I catch myself smiling when I recall her smiling face are worth all the pain that I experienced and will carry with me to my grave. Sometimes I wonder if our spirits can have a better chance after we die maybe I am crazy but this is now my last and only hope. So please death come visit me soon and I will wait for her but don't take her yet as long she is still happy. I don't mind waiting on the other side since I have nothing better to do anyways......