Yearning

When I watch guys play basketball, I get a twinge of envy. Just a bit. Its not that I dislike them for having their masculinity. Its just extreme jealousy. I think about what it would be like to be able to just walk about without a shirt. What it would be like to not have jiggly things bouncing around and getting in the way. No, I don't wanna be a boy. I don't wanna be a tomboy. I don't wanna be a girl. I just wanna be comfortable. 

I yearn to be able to have equal amounts of masculinity and femininity. I yearn to have a flat chest. I don't want a penis. I want self comfort. Why is it that thats so hard to get? Why do people always categorize us and tell us its wrong to change it? I just want comfort. Being me is like a task I never asked for. I dream of being me, being comfortable.