Lea or Hamish?

A single tear drop rolled down her cheek as she looked upon both of them.

"Please don't do this." She begged her master. It had been days since she had last ate, drank or slept. "I love them both, very much. And I can't decide.." She mummbled, sad and dissapointed with herself.

"Then I must choose myself" He shouted.

"No! I'll..., I'll choose.. just give me a minute, with both of them please? I beg of you!" He looked up franticly and gave an evil smirk.

"Very well.. tomorrow you must decide though, and if you shall not. I will do it for you." Eva nodded sadly. At that very moment the two of them were releasd. Lea jumped into Eva's arms.

"Please sis, you can't make me die! I've lived with you for ten years.. please!!" Lea muffled a cry. " I love you Eva." Ofcourse she loved Eva, she is part of her family, and they've both lived together for their whole lives.. ofcourse Eva would never kill her little sister. As she was thinking this her boyfriend Hamish approched with teary eyes. "Babe, I love you.. just let me die." Eva shook her head.

"No, I love you, I'd never think of such a thing.." She sighed. 

"But what about me Eva?" Her sister asked, looking worried, for her sister might let her be the one. "Surely you won't kill your own sister.. right?" She sniffed.

"Ofcourse not darl, and no, I won't kill Hamish either.. this is all my fault! And I'm so sorry that I got you both into this mess.. "

" I love you so much, but your sister truly loves you more, I should be the one ought to die. Four years of being with you is enough to make me happy for the rest of my life, and after life.. so if anyone should die here, it's going to be me."

"Don't say that" Eva cried. "I can't live without any of you's." She said pulling Hamish into her arms. "I love you." she wispered.

"But not enough." He sighed and pulled away..

"What do you mean baby!?" She asked confused.

"You like some other boy, who is handsome, and sweet.. I've heard it all." He said holding back his tears.

"Other boy? You're the only one I have ever loved Hamish.. and that 'other boy' you're probaly talking about is you."

"So you mean, I'm handsome and sweet?"

"Ofcourse you are!! I love you!" She said wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Well.. if you really do love me you will let me go" He sighed, kissing her forehead.

"I can't.." She whispered.

"Eva, I will always love you, and you'll miss me, but I know that'd you'd be able to cope without me being here."

"Yes I would." She paused, looking dramaticly into his eyes. "But I don't think I'd be able to cope with knowing that I'd been the one to kill you. I just wouldn't be able to live with that."Hamish hushed her.

"Don't worry darling." He tried to force a smile. "You may kill me, but atlest our love for each other will always be alive." He smiled.

"Please.. Hamish, I don't know if I can-"

"Times up lovies! You must get some rest for tomorrows decision! Now hop to it!" The Evil man ordered.

"Goodnight Eva.." Hamish whispered into her ear before he and Lea left, and  followed the man to the chambers. I love you, he mouthed before dissapearing behind the corner.

Eva slouched down on the icy cold pavement and burried her head in her knees.. and cried for hours. This was all her fault. What was she going to do?

Author's Note

Sorry about all the lack of description, please review, and ignore spelling mistakes.

Reviews

[FairyTalePrincess]

Hey Aynsley,
I like how you put alot of effort into each of your chapters.
This one, I think It's a really good start to your book. You really do have a talent within you. Keep writing, and be true to yourself.
I must agree with the below comments, it is a very intriguing start, but I'm sure with time you will get better at dialogue and writing skills.

[Marlena]

A pretty dramatic introduction, kind of drags the reader in. My only advice would be that when you have the time, to spruce it up. It just needs some work, and has a few grammar errors, but otherwise, very good. Can't wait to get to the rest :)

[Warick Ten Bohmer]

I believe the idea represented in the first chapter of any story is a rather pivotal to how the rest of a novel will play out and be received. I do tend to get lost in the dialog, everyone knows that's never the easiest part of any novel, it however rather important and if it's not realistic enough it's hard to get lost and absorbed into the story.

A good novel you will pick up and not want to put down, the last line in this chapter does make you want to read on even if the previous written words have failed to have any real impact upon the reader.

There are a few things I would word differently and I'd either change the ending of this chapter to increase tension and suspense or I'd change the start to intensify the feelings that are going through Eva's min and showcase the pure evil behind the Master.

For a young writer, you aren't doing too bad but just like everyone when they start off it takes dedication and hard effort to improve existing skills so you can spit out a piece of literature that will never be forgotten.

I've unfortunately read Twilight and it was definitely torture. It had potential but never took off the ground, was very predictable and absolutely horrible. It made money because it has a fan base and an idea that many would like to believe in. It will be remembered, but if I had my way it would never have been published. Which just goes to show you it doesn't matter how bad your anyone's writing is just as long as they are able to hook you in on the story. I was very hopeful it would get better, I'd only heard good things about it, however after reading all the novels I can only say I was disappointed.

This book has potential, judging on the first chapter. It's also got a fair amount of improvements to be made. I will only continue to read further at the request of you Amy, I hope that none of my criticism is taken to heart. Everyone has different taste, I've never really worked mine out :L

[Aynsley]

Thanks FairyTalePrincess, love your name btw, :)

[KeSha]

I agre with Dorryy, its good! Great! love it

[Dorryy]

Hey, I really like this, it's very very good! Nice chapter, can't wait to read more. You are very talented!

[Mary Evans]

Ok so far its sounds good and intriguing but its a bit too much drama for me. If i were you i would shoot this straight into the Climax, for a beginning its a bit heavy.

Also "you shall not" sounded a bit awkward in the context. I suggest "do not" or something similar.

Otherwise it sounds like a cool and interesting story but i really think this with its intensity is not suited for an opening unless you're writing for a movie or plan to reveal the past in the next chapter and it's one of those stories that begin with the end.

Anyways, sorry if i sound a bit harsh, i do like your story i just give my all for the critics too.

[WayOath]

I like the path this story is going on. The only thing I would mention working on is detail. The dialogue is great but there's not a whole lot of detail to let us know where the characters are or their reactions as in emmotionally. But it is good, I like it, and I want to read the next chapter so you must have me intrigued. Haven't we all asked ourselves what we would do in a situation like this? I know I have, and I don't want to think about it but it looks like the main character will have too. ;(