Lea or Hamish?

A single tear drop rolled down her cheek as she looked upon both of them.

"Please don't do this." She begged her master. It had been days since she had last ate, drank or slept. "I love them both, very much. And I can't decide.." She mummbled, sad and dissapointed with herself.

"Then I must choose myself" He shouted.

"No! I'll..., I'll choose.. just give me a minute, with both of them please? I beg of you!" He looked up franticly and gave an evil smirk.

"Very well.. tomorrow you must decide though, and if you shall not. I will do it for you." Eva nodded sadly. At that very moment the two of them were releasd. Lea jumped into Eva's arms.

"Please sis, you can't make me die! I've lived with you for ten years.. please!!" Lea muffled a cry. " I love you Eva." Ofcourse she loved Eva, she is part of her family, and they've both lived together for their whole lives.. ofcourse Eva would never kill her little sister. As she was thinking this her boyfriend Hamish approched with teary eyes. "Babe, I love you.. just let me die." Eva shook her head.

"No, I love you, I'd never think of such a thing.." She sighed. 

"But what about me Eva?" Her sister asked, looking worried, for her sister might let her be the one. "Surely you won't kill your own sister.. right?" She sniffed.

"Ofcourse not darl, and no, I won't kill Hamish either.. this is all my fault! And I'm so sorry that I got you both into this mess.. "

" I love you so much, but your sister truly loves you more, I should be the one ought to die. Four years of being with you is enough to make me happy for the rest of my life, and after life.. so if anyone should die here, it's going to be me."

"Don't say that" Eva cried. "I can't live without any of you's." She said pulling Hamish into her arms. "I love you." she wispered.

"But not enough." He sighed and pulled away..

"What do you mean baby!?" She asked confused.

"You like some other boy, who is handsome, and sweet.. I've heard it all." He said holding back his tears.

"Other boy? You're the only one I have ever loved Hamish.. and that 'other boy' you're probaly talking about is you."

"So you mean, I'm handsome and sweet?"

"Ofcourse you are!! I love you!" She said wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Well.. if you really do love me you will let me go" He sighed, kissing her forehead.

"I can't.." She whispered.

"Eva, I will always love you, and you'll miss me, but I know that'd you'd be able to cope without me being here."

"Yes I would." She paused, looking dramaticly into his eyes. "But I don't think I'd be able to cope with knowing that I'd been the one to kill you. I just wouldn't be able to live with that."Hamish hushed her.

"Don't worry darling." He tried to force a smile. "You may kill me, but atlest our love for each other will always be alive." He smiled.

"Please.. Hamish, I don't know if I can-"

"Times up lovies! You must get some rest for tomorrows decision! Now hop to it!" The Evil man ordered.

"Goodnight Eva.." Hamish whispered into her ear before he and Lea left, and  followed the man to the chambers. I love you, he mouthed before dissapearing behind the corner.

Eva slouched down on the icy cold pavement and burried her head in her knees.. and cried for hours. This was all her fault. What was she going to do?

Author's Note

Sorry about all the lack of description, please review, and ignore spelling mistakes.

Reviews

[FairyTalePrincess]

Hey Aynsley,
I like how you put alot of effort into each of your chapters.
This one, I think It's a really good start to your book. You really do have a talent within you. Keep writing, and be true to yourself.
I must agree with the below comments, it is a very intriguing start, but I'm sure with time you will get better at dialogue and writing skills.

[Dana Scornheart]

AMAZING! This should be published as an actual novel!

[Quill up a gay ape's bu..]

You know, I love sucking on my banana, or maybe my banana sucks me. Well now after reading this I've found something else that sucks better. Yeah, this sucks real good, and much longer.
Keep it up.

[K. N. Wise]

A good introduction, but it couldve gone a little more in detail. The dialog seemed a little stiff to me, I'd suggest maybe studying some screen plays as an example of fluid dialog. Keep it up! All things with practice.

[L.I. Black]

This is a very good start, I must say. Though I do think a bit more detail and a little more depth could help it along. There are also a few grammar mistakes along with the spelling, but everyone does that. A few awkward places here and there, but that can also be fixed and again, it happens to everyone.
If you'd like, I could send you a few links to a couple of writing tip essays which would help with the dialogue and such. Other than that, it was an enjoyable read. You do show a lot of promise.

[TadKent]

This was intense. I loved it, and found myself immediately putting myself into that situation.
Very fun read, and suspenseful! :)

[Ice QueenJen]

hi Aynsley,

this is a very well written. and a great beginning for your story. I did see some mistakes in spelling, but otherwise a good story. I will come back to read the rest and see what happens.

[Ruth]

I think as as a first chapter, this is great! The scene is set well and there is a lot of emotion here! Keep at it, this is really good:) xx

[Snickers]

Wow Aynsley, this was wonderful, It made me want to cry. No one else's books had ever done that to me, but when I get attached to the characters and they die I start crying. Im just that pitiful. it was a wonderful chapter.

[Rain]

great start, though I think theres a bit too much drama here.
It's interesting, though I would've liked to know a bit more about the characters and add more detail.

a good first chapter, and very intriguing, i'll be reading more

[Jared]

Great start! i give you 100/100!