Prologue

                                       Dark Assassin

       By

                             Ayanna Thulung Rai

           

It was month of July when twin girls was born in City hospital….it was heavy raining along with the thunder and lighting.  A middle age man was sweating heavily, pacing here and there glancing again and again at the operation theatre and praying a god for his wife and his unborn child…..suddenly he heard a sound of baby crying and immediately he flip towards the door, he close his eyes and wait for a doctor to come outside…..minute pass and he is getting impatient.

Finally doctor show up with a slide smile on his face, the man knew he was getting good news but still tension is still in the air….until doctor clear his throat, “congratulation Mr. Hudson you have a two beautiful daughter…now you can go inside” after hearing this the man is beyond happy but still he did not know about his wife with worries in his face he asked, “what about my wife doctor?”

“Don’t worry your wife is fine now but she needs a perfect bed rest” and the doctor rest his hand in the man’s shoulder with assurance….without any word he pull the doctor into hug under the happiness and mumble, “Thank you Doctor” and jump inside the room….Doctor shook his head and smile…..

The man went inside a saw his two newborn babies was cleaning by the nurses…his eyes glow with admiration and affection towards his daughters….he cannot help the tears of happiness and smile at the same time…..he never felt this joy before….but today he felt the most best feeling of the world being a father…..the nurse wrapped the babies with cotton cloth and handle the both babies in his arm….he was over joy…he slowly lean in and planted a kiss on both forehead, and murmur, “my Angel and Princess”  one is looking at him with her light green eyes and other one is sleeping soundlessly….

He raised his head towards his wife who is still unconscious, he walks towards his wife and sit in the stool near the bed and whisper, “Honey….thank you for making me a luckiest person in the world…” the nurse was standing there with the smile in her face, enjoying the sight….she slowly walk towards the man and said, “sorry, as much as I don’t want to ruin this beautiful moment but I have to take your babies for some test” she smile being polite and open her arm….the man did not want to give his babies but he thought ‘the test is only for a good’ and slowly handed his babies to the nurse. When nurse was about to walk out the man stop her and asked, “Will my babies be okay?”

The nurse turned around and said, “Don’t worry sir your babies is going to be perfectly fine…tomorrow you can have your babies but today we have to take your both daughter to the nursery room….”

The man nod….the nurse turned around and walk out of the room….deep down in his heart the man feels something bad is going to happened but he push that thought away and hold his wife’s hand, he closed his eyes and prayed for his newborn daughters…..

The man didn’t know that his happiness last only for an hour…..he jerk up when he heard the red alarm alert…he heard people screaming outside the room……he look at his wife who is still in conscious stage…..without thinking twice he run outside the room and saw the panic in every one face…..people were running towards the nursery room…..he didn’t waste a second to realized that his both daughters is in nursery room….he rush towards the nursery room….where there is already too crowd but he manage to go through the crowd…..but after what he saw through the glass of the room his feet left the ground there were five men in the room who wear mask and black dress like a ninja assassin……each have a baby in their hand….

His blood started to boil with anger when he saw his two babies in their hand and he quickly rushes to the door but it was locked……people were screaming and crying for their baby……and with anger he kick the glass to go through the room but glass is very hard to break…..other people look at him but soon join him understanding of what he is doing…and started to kick the glass….when it still did not break he look everywhere for a weapon and his eyes landed on the extinguisher without wasting his time he grab the extinguisher and throw towards the glass…..and the glass shatter into pieces…..

The five mask men get alerted and run towards the window….. before the people get inside the three men succeed to jump from the window…..but two of them were caught by the Mr. Hudson and he tug them back…..the two men were way too strong but he was helped by the people ….the two men hissed like a snake….and push the Mr. Hudson towards the wall…..by judging their power people back off…..babies is still in their hand…..and crying hardly…..

Their eyes were glowing red like a Devil….people gasps at this sight and slowly back off….but Mr. Hudson wants his daughters back….he will stop at nothing until he gets his babies back but soon he realized that they had already  took his other daughter….. His anger rage….he clench his fist, his mind is clouded with anger, it like he only sees blood everywhere…he flared with anger and without thinking twice he lurched towards them…..he don’t care about his life anymore all he want is his babies back at all cost.

But before he reaches them, something flick in his eyes like a dark shadow……people look at that two men with wide eyes…..Mr. Hudson confused for a second about what is happening but soon realized when the blood started to oozed from their neck which seems like a clean cut…..he also gasps with wide eyes….attacker kill them so fast and clean with the blink of an eyes but strange things is that there is no sign of attacker he thought ‘how is that even possible?’ because he only saw a flick of an dark shadow…..

Before the both that men collapsed in the floor he and one man quickly ran and took the babies from them…..then the most strange thing happen the body of the men’s turned into flame to ashes….

Mr. Hudson didn’t understand what is happening; he was so much in shocked like other people…..he just can’t believe of what he just seen…..he heard his baby crying so he slowly look down at his daughter in his arm…..he suddenly felt a heavy pain in his heart…he lost his other daughter they steal her away…..but he will not cry…he promised himself that he will find her, no matter what!

He patted his daughter back to make her stop from crying and he heard a voice, “Sir, are you okay?” he turned around and saw the officer is standing in front of him….he salute Mr. Hudson…he just nod…

“Sir, I was here to inform you that your wife is awake and demand to see you and her babies” the officer said straightly with respect….Mr. Hudson tense a bit….thinking about how to convince his wife about their other daughter……he look at his daughter who feel asleep in his arm…..he encourage himself and whisper to the sleeping baby, “you are my only hope Angel”

He straighten his face and with the hard expression he order, “officer I want you to investigate in this case as soon as possible…I want all the information about the three men who has escape from here with the babies….”

“Yes Sir, I’m on it” and with respect he salutes him…. “Discharge now” Mr. Hudson comment strictly…the officer leave…..

Mr. Hudson look around and his eyes landed on the window…..before he look away something dark flick in the window….he clearly remember that same dark shadow when he was about to lurched to that men…..he slowly take a step forwards towards window but he was stop by his friend David, “Jonathan, are you okay man?”

He just sadly smiles turned his head at his friend David, “I’m not okay David…I lost my other daughter they took her away…..” then his expression change to hard, “I’m going to kill that b******s”

“Hey, calm down Jonathan ……did Kristen know about this?” David asked with concerned in his face…..Jonathan shook his head, “No she was not conscious at that time and I don’t know David if she ever forgive I fail to protect my other daughter” and he look at his daughter….in his arm…

“Jonathan it’s not your fault okay….she’ll understand don’t worry but the strange thing is that why all people keep saying that two men turned into flame to ashes…?” David frowns….

“They are right David I’ve seen it myself…..they really turned into ashes….i also can’t figure out that what is happening….?” Jonathan thinks for awhile, “Hey…I have to go and see Kristen….

Kristen is waiting for her husband and her twins’ baby girls but she is unaware about her missing child. She has just wake up from her unconscious stage and she is looking towards the door…….hoping  to see her husband and babies….just when she turned her head towards the window, Jonathan enter the room with baby……he look down at his baby,  sleeping in his arm and look back to his wife Kristen who caught him looking at her……the warm smile spread in her face as she saw her husband with her baby girl but her smile soon drop when she didn’t see her other child…..

With anxious she asked, “Jonathan where is my other baby?” Jonathan sighs and step forwards and put the baby in her lap and seat next to the Kristen……

Kristen look at her baby and smile then she shift her gaze to her husband who is looking nervous about something, so she put her hand in his shoulder and asked again, “you didn’t answer me Jonathan where is our other baby….?”

With heavy heart Jonathan explain everything to his wife who is now sobbing and looking at her daughter who is sleeping soundlessly…….in her lap. Jonathan holds her wife and kisses in her forehead and promises her with determination ‘no matter what, he will find his daughter at any cost’.

 

 

Author's Note

what do you think of this chapter?

Reviews

[ImaginationGone]

Hey, great prologue.

First off, love the action. It really comes through you know what you want to do with the story for now. I like how well planned out every sequence is. It really kept my interest.

My main criticisms are your character introductions. In the beginning, you have a generic middle age man pacing but later bring him back as Jonathon Hudson, a military man.
Be descriptive when you introduce someone new. What do they wear? How are they acting in a particular situation? Is there anything unusual about them? How do they treat other people around them?
We get a small look into who he is but it's scattered across the prologue. Plan where you show who they are. Use their actions and dialogue to express who they are.
It's hard to follow and figure out who David and Kristen are. For Kristen, at least introduce her name and what she looks like at beginning. For David, describe what he's wearing and maybe who is in relation to Jon.

Your introduction to the assassins is pretty spot on. It's good to see their dark clothes and evil eyes without giving away too much on who they are or what their plans are.

Change up your sentences. Starting most of your sentences with "He" or "His" or "The person" is repetitive. Have their action start the sentence, or let them think something. Explore the environment, background characters to give your story a world the audience can experience along with the characters.

Where is City? What is City? Give the setting a name. It's not necessary here I think but maybe describe where they are, too.

One small, but repeated, problem is your use of ellipses "...". They're not periods. Use ellipses only for when you purposefully omit something or when a character is speaking/thinking but drifts off or suddenly stops. I understand the pauses between scenes but using a sentence to transition between them would be better.

I really like the symbolism behind the twins' names. Princess getting abducted, Angel gives hope. It's simple but fun and put into the story really well.

Overall, it's good. I look forward to reading more as it comes along. A lot of minor improvements are needed but will definitely improve the story.

I don't mean to overstep any boundaries but is English not your first language? I'd like to offer to edit this chapter with your permission

[A.Ayanna]

Hey, thank you for your comment on my first chapter and I know there is a lots of error on this chapter and need to edit and about the city I hadn't write the name of the city because I couldn't particularly think about the name at the time, so I leave it like that..
And yes English is not my first language but I try my best to write it better.
I started to write this story when I was in class 8 so there is no surprise there is lots of error and also I'm kind of careless writer I guess, so I would like to take your Help but First I need to know about you a bit before I trust you with this story if you don't mind.
And lastly thank you for pointing out my mistakes, it really help me. (: