This Twisted Game

Pressed to the wall, your body's gone numb

You close your eyes while they're having fun

You're used to it now

 

On the hard bed, your form naked and exposed

They taunt and tease, taking of their clothes

You just don't fight it anymore

 

They laugh and moan; you cry out and groan

 

The ropes tighten 'round your wrists as they play this twisted game

Sick pleasure consumes you when you finally came

They dress and promise to be back tomorrow

You stare lifelessly at the ceiling, heart drowned in sorrow.

Reviews

[Miss Coral]

This is well done, though I have some problems with it:

1. forced rhyme scheme. Don't let your rhymes run the poem, make them fit with your words and it'll sound much more natural, much less sing-songy.

2. Where is the subtlety? This is absolutely shoved in our faces, all description with no voice shining through with emotion, no figurative language at all, nothing keep us here but the horror that your poem describes. Try inching us along. Bring us in slowly, make the horror intensify and build up and knock us back into open mouths and threatening tears and this will be much stronger. Don't just give it to us and say "here it is, now deal with it".

3. Punctuation. This is a big thing in poetry, especially with rhyming poetry. Punctuation allows you to manipulate how the reader is going through your poem and to squander that opportunity is foolish. Try punctuating this as you would a paragraph, and it will probably greatly improve the flow.

Overall, nice piece. Feel free to let me know if you have any questions or anything. :3

[Nicky Wilson]

This was amazingly sad !! The imagery was just .... WOW !! Truly i hope that this was not a true story! But I loved it !! :) Well done keep writing !!