Roses and Olives in Disneyland

A story about a childhood and a family.

Being so young, I had not realized the meanings of the life I lived.

Why my father would only come home on the weekends and only in the daytime, had not crossed my mind once

but now it pesters me for what it meant. He wasn't allowed to.

My mother working for Disney had so much meaning and excitement when we were young, my sister and I.

Fear played a little role for me but my sister lived with fear vigorously. My mother knew that fear and hatred are in love 

with one another and so did my sister. Fear of the dark is childish, but fear of what is in the dark or fear of what

comes with the dark are not so. For my sister, my father came with the dark.

Now, I cannot speak for her on account of everything that went on in the dark of the nights that my father lived

with us, but I do know that what he did was unholy and evil, and will never be forgotten. As much

as she says she has, she will never forgive him.

My father was not her father. 

After learning this, my father was not my father either. 

Everyday my mother went to Disneyland. People would say to her " You are living the dream"

or "That's where dreams come true" but on the contrary, that's where her nightmare unfolded. Everyday at work, leaving 

my father at home for the care of the children, my sister and I. Fear set in when my father became irresponsible.

Fear set in when my sister came home from her own fathers. How could my mother be happy knowing her daughters 

were helplessly under the watch of someone who did not care? Fear did last long, but not too long.

She made him leave. Disneyland became happy again but my mothers weight went above and beyond.

Depression and grief sat in my mothers bedroom. Food was not only temptation, but also addiction. My sister

developed this addiction as well. 

As for me, I developed an addiction that gambled with death every day. The physical embrace of self harm. Cutting, burning bruising. 

I subjected myself to these things because I did not know all my my childhood. Why did my best friend leave? 

Where did he go? Why didn't my sister care that he left? Why wasn't my mother missing him and why was no one telling me anything?

Years went by. I am an adult now and I only now just unraveled the story of my childhood. At least part of it is unraveled.

I believe there is still much to learn and many tears to come. As for Roses and Olives in Disneyland, all is well.

Dedicated to

My mother - S.D.L.

My sister - C.Olivia.T

A little girl I knew - J.Rose.M