A Beautifully Cold Companion

A Poem by Lola Nad

This is one of my favorite poem. I wrote a few others after it but i still feel like it's my best one so far :)

Once again, She was watching a Snake.
A Silver Snake, Poisonous Snake.

She watches him as he was slithering forward,
Not moving an inch as he glides up her leg.

He reaches her chest and then, her Neck.
Twirling around it, like a shimmering scarf.

Then he glides down her right arm,
Resting his beautiful head,
Right on the top of her hand.

Like a Silver Bracelet, he stayed here and watched
As the Sun reaches down on the Horizon,
As the Snow starts falling down.

She stayed here, not moving,
With the shimmering Silver Snake

Still wrapped around her .

Then, when the Night turned Dark,
She stroked his head then,
Turned around and walked away.
With the Beautiful Snake still wrapped around her Heart.

© 2016 Lola Nad

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Morgan Yai

This is a really cool poem as it can have numerous interpretations depending on who is reading it. I like the descriptiveness as the use of figurative language, specifically similes. I feel that you could improve your word choice in some instances. For example, you use the word 'watch' (or some variation of it) three times in this fairy short poem. Perhaps you could find synonyms for 'watch' to make the poem more interesting and captivating to read. I also noticed that the poem switches from present to past tense and I cannot tell if that is intentional or not. I want you to know that I'm not saying this to be negatively critical. Rather, I believe you have great potential and talent and I hope you do keep writing and continue to look for ways to improve, as there is always room for improvement. I have much room for improvement as well and I would say your poem is much better than any I have written. Again, great job! And keep up the good work!