Blame

My lips were to blame 

For leading you astray

Followed closely by my eyes

Which lead you into temptation.

My whispers came next

Beyond redemption.

Patience, 

you have little truth

And you reap the seeds you sow.

Shackled to your blame,

Looking to me for a call to action

I cannot give you

Your suffocation

In this world

Convocation.

I offer communication,

From wordless lips

Understanding

From burning eyes

Contemplation

from restless fingers

Idiocy

Lingers.

My intelligence was to blame 

For rebuffing your advances

The sound of your name

Devastating

Tempting

Shattering.

My body

A vessel, but not for your enjoyment.

Rather a portal to my 

Self

The parts you failed to see.

So here, I rest my 

blame.

Author's Note

Something missing in this one, and needs edits! Help! :D

Reviews

[RDOriginal]

I agree with your analysis, there is something not quite right with this poem. It's not a bad poem, it's just lacking a little something compared to your other work.

When I think of the word 'blame' I get very strong feelings. It's either an accusation or a confession of guilt - either way the word is a weapon to be used against another or oneself. However, the poem seems to be quite light on very negative imagery. If it's about blame then we perhaps need to see the narrator sacrifice themself some more, it should be more about literary self-mutiliation than is apparent here. There's also an element of vagueness about who is to blame, you begin with 'my lips were to blame' but later there's the implication that the other person in the relationship is 'shackled to your blame'.

Technically the poem is as good as ever, you've got some lovely turns of phrase here and some great images: I really like the line, 'understanding from burning eyes' as it's so counter-intuitive. However, I think it's perhaps the connotations of the title and the direction of the content that makes it seem a little at odds with itself.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

yes~ oh how I do relate~ a sharp and observant poem~ even though you were a point he may have missed~ in this write is revalation how you percieved his every nuance in relation to you which of course is completely revelatory of himself~

[Dinesh Sairam]

I loved the format first of all and that's what I love most in this poem. You get the attention in the very first stanza - Dark and romantic. However, you let me down in the second. It was very simple, no great imagery. The third stanza was again, nice. Now in the third stanza, since so few words have to play a huge role, I guess they should be thought upon really well. 'Devastating' and 'Shattering' convey the same imagery (You might have meant something very different, but you can't explain it to everyone who reads). So, I suppose you should change it. The last stanza was great, just that 'self' doesn't deserve to be a line. lol. Or if you had meant to maintain the form, add at least one more word.

Hope I helped. Kudos. Keep writing.