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Harsh reality

Looking back I wonder, did I deserve it?

The days my body shook with pain

The days no one knew, what I hid.

The days I lied to cover up, how dirty, I festered.

�"-

I question now, even to this day

I wish to erase, wash away, what they did

I was innocent once, ignored, neglected

But still, a lamb in need of… Slaughter? Or a shepherd?

�"-

In dreams I ached to walk with death,

A long stretch hand in hand, on a cool autumn day

Under shady trees we’d dwell,

On that hard floor I called my bed.

�"-

For many night that lean cold hand,

Took mine own, we wondered, roads unknown

We never talked, she sympathised,

With the black cracked holes for eyes.

�"-

Then one day on her nighly trip, she turned to me

I had to believe, there was something more

Something greater than rage and guilt.

I had no one to believe in.

�"-

The words she spoke are with me still

Overcome, conquer, become.

In daylight I curled into a ball and prayed

No more, no more.

�"-

Release in daylight, warm tendrils of sun

Upon my bruises, sore and apparent.

Dried blood soaking, healing,

I would survive. I willed it so.

�"-

I often ask. Why me?

Death came no more.

Author's Note

Based on truth-no judgement is harsher than my own

Reviews

[R E Tree]

Every life is not perfect and can not be. Life was made so you can learn from the bad things. It's hurtful to see bad things happening to good people. But bad things happen so we can learn from it and become a better person. A person full of experiance. This poem has really strong points used from your thoughts it makes the poem well worth reading

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was a good poem. I think it was sad, but heartfelt and that is what made the poem really good. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Dane Osborne]

I think charles bukowski had a quote that went like "the greatest people are the ones who are most alone". I know what its like to be an outsider and I myself have had those same doubts, fears, and insecurities so I can relate. To me people are like moving pieces with broken parts. The ones whose broken pieces are visible are the ones who get spit at and laughed at and mocked. They are the invisible people, the ones made of cellophane. The ones whose broken parts can't be seen are the ones who win beauty pageants and get their own tv shows. Such is nature, atleast the way I see it. Well done:)

[Coyote Poetry]

The internal battle to understand leave no winners or losers. We can look back at victories and defeats and try to understand. I like the feel and emotion of this poem. Death comes when it desires. better to worry about life then death. Death is the end of all problems. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Miss Coral]

Powerfully written. Nice job.

[Molafvt]

This is beautiful in a twisted sort of way. It is beautiful because, "Death came no more." and it is twisted because off the subject of course. So many victims of abuse and yet so few "healers". It seems you were lucky to have at least someone who listened and offered advice.

"The words she spoke are with me still

Overcome, conquer, become.

In daylight I curled into a ball and prayed

No more, no more.
This is sad but cathartic and shows that regardless of what we've been through, there is always hope. This will stick in my craw for days to come. Honest, dark, yet very hopeful. Thanks for this......

[RDOriginal]

This is the first poem that after I initial read I've added to my favourites. It sums up so eloquently feelings of loss and a desire to escape the pain.

As several other reviewers have pointed out the line, 'a lamb in need of...Slaughter? Or a shepherd?' is a real highlight of the piece. It manages to sum up everything we might feel when there seems to be point in life. It is literally a choice between continuing and choosing death - if you've ever been beaten that low by life those two options can seem equally painful.

The stanza following that is equally evocative. The line, 'In dreams I ached to walk with death' recognises the fact that sometimes the temptation to put an end to life can be like seeking redemption, an almost peaceful experience and something utterly inevitable. You even reference walking with death as an idyllic experience, 'A long stretch hand in hand, on a cool Autumn day'. These are lines narrated by someone who has been to the very pits of despair and found that the thoughts found there can perhaps have a beautiful allure of their own.

The poem ends with the acknowledgement that the simple answer of just wanting to go on isn't an easy one. We get the impression that the character in the poem has been almost abandoned by death and the pitiful image of the narrator curled into a ball praying, 'No more, no more' is certainly not the stirring image that a similar poem might portray. Here we see survival as painful, an experience that leaves the narrator badly damaged and only with the slight hope of 'warm tendrils of sun' to comfort her.

I think the way this poem explores such a dark subject in a very realistic way makes it very powerful. Along with superb imagery and a main character who lays herself utterly open to the reader makes it a great poem.

[FlawedByDesign]

"In dreams I ached to walk with death,"
In my opinion no pain in this world is worth death, unless a person is looking for an easy way out to be rid of the pain. Feeling pain makes let's us know that we're alive; is there anything greater than that feeling?

The reality you lived through is evident in the lines,
"I was innocent once, ignored, neglected
But still, a lamb in need of… Slaughter? Or a shepherd?" - you could have put it any better than this; it does a great job at portraying the anguish you suffered.
I also like that you turn things around at the end after "Then one day on her nighly trip, she turned to me". I m going to assume it was an angel that gave to strength and "I would survive. I willed it so."

Great job.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

beautiful in its capacity to relate such raw pain without any hint of feeling sorry for oneself~ you present this no holds barred epically~ the day we can gaze dead on into our own eyes and own our past and claim our future is the day we learn how to begin cradleing ourselves and take the first breath of us~

[Desert Dreamer]

A poem with such depth, such terible truth...I wish these things weren't true...such powerful words, "But still, a lamb in need of… Slaughter? Or a shepherd?"...you have done well to express these feelings...a victim often feels guilty of a crime and feels a need to hide. Very well written poem.

[Ruth]

Wow!
A beautifully honest and courageous poem love :) Executed in a manner that holds realism and thats what makes this so harsh! Excellent work!

"The days I lied to cover up, how dirty, I festered.".........this line carries along the feeling of impending doom really well!


"I was innocent once, ignored, neglected

But still, a lamb in need of… Slaughter? Or a shepherd?"...........Absolutely awesome! The weak attending the strong! The one who is in need, left needing!

Awdures, this is a stunningly emotive piece of writing. It leaves the reader feeling 'lost and bruised' inside! Wonderful work hon!
xx