from memory with love

Waiting for you

Ageless graceless winds carry

The first chills of winter

Sitting on the porch seat

Waiting for some word.

The cat on her lap winds

and purrs a soulful melody

which hugs tightly to her chest.

The breeze carries a pure snowflake

Individually crafted in heaven

floating and fluttering, buffeted

Falling in deaths' dance.

It's one bid for freedom, felled

as it settles and melts on her cheek.

She stirs as if to remind the porch

That she lives and breathes.

A sigh escapes her rosebud lips

She waited too long in the cold 

For news that will not arrive today

The cat miaows anticipating movement

Looks up to read the tired emerald eyes

Then hops onto the floor boards

Leading them from frigid winter

To the homely kitchen warmth.

Looking over her shoulder

She spots the ghost of him

walking along the pathway

Smile on his face, arms open to embrace

One fresh tear

replaces the moist patch

left by winter

with warmth.

Author's Note

Surprising 1am write

Reviews

[Tea And A Cheshire Smil..]

Loved this :) A good write.

"The breeze carries a pure snowflake
Individually crafted in heaven
floating and fluttering, buffeted
Falling in deaths' dance.
It's one bid for freedom, felled
as it settles and melts on her cheek.
She stirs as if to remind the porch
That she lives and breathes."

Loved that verse in particular... Beautiful imagery. The first verse however just didn't seem to grab me like it should have. It might just be me though. Great write :)

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was a good write. I liked it a lot. It was a little sad, but waiting really sucks. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Antonio Valentino]

This was amazing, especially the second and third verses. It didn't hurt that there was a cat in the mix, I have three me self. Loved the gentle embracing feel of the piece.

Wonderfully done.
Antonio xx

[Amaunet]

love your writing hon, you always ddo an amazing job

[Awdures]

Lots of people have questioned the presence of the cat here-there is another meaning to it, but I really don't want to explain it!! It's also a symbol that she is not truly alone.

[PaperHearts]

That was absolutely beautiful! The atmosphere that you created through your imagery was so captivating, and I really liked the idea that you were able to express such large concepts through this character and her situation. There were moments where I felt like the flow was a little off, and I don't quite know what it was...perhaps something to do with where you cut the lines, I'm not sure. But other than that, I thought that this was a lovely write! :)
~PaperHearts

[Phibby Venable]

It creates the feeling of a wait...and the slow, soft images.
Enjoyed it very much.

[FlawedByDesign]

This comes across as a story of a wife waiting for her husband to return from war.
It's a story that has been around since man invented war and some wives have not received the news they so awaited, only to be greeted by his ghost :(

The only thing that stood out for me was,
"Falling in deaths' dance." - it's fitting in the poem as a whole, but amiss in this particular stanza, in my opinion, when talking about the snowflake. I understand the innocence that the snowflake carries and how it melts on her face, but it was just slightly off :)

Well done.

[Dinesh Sairam]

Wonderful picture, words and presentation. The only glitch I felt was the cat.. er.. call me weird, but I felt that the cat just doesn't fit in this amazing beautiful poem. It gives me goosebumps to imagine a lonely damsel waiting in the winter chill for 'him'.. accompanied by a Cat? :-o I don't think so, lol. Except fro the cat, this is a great poem :) Keep writing.

[RDOriginal]

This poem reminds me a little of a ghosty story where a woman waits eternally for her lost love beyond death. There's no real upset here - just a romantic, peaceful wistfulness.

Okay, I'll get my whinges over with first. To me the first stanza had a couple of stumbling moments. The combination of 'ageless' and 'graceless' seems to clash a little. On one hand something aged suggests maturity and perhaps slowness but then it's alongside a word that perhaps suggests immaturity and clumsiness. The second glitch I fell over twice when reading this out loud was that as the word 'winds' is used twice in the first stanza with different pronounciations and there isn't any additional description to the cats action I'm reading this as the cat winds... It's a bit of a Beavis and Butthead moment I know but I'm wondering if it's just me (quite likely) or the perhaps a tweak my fix things.

Now for my highlight moment. The phrase, "the breeze carries a pure snowflake individually crafted in heaven floating and fluttering, buffeted falling in deaths dance" needs wrapping up and putting in a box for bleak moments. I don't know if it's the hint of alliteration, the tragic mention of a fleeting life or the uniqueness of each one but it's one of the nicest sentences I've read this week.

This is a good poem. After I'd picked myself up from the first stanza (probably more my interpretation than any fault in the writing) I found it very touching and heartfelt.