Traveller

Amongst the rocks and ruined ravages

A life was almost lived,

the lonely days of Bedouins

the explorer, the traveller the thief.

The scavenger looks into the sun

He must be moving on

From these arid rocks and ruins

He hears a mountain song.

------

What journey there awaits him?

What brings him to his knees?

Amongst the rocks and ruins

He's no reason to believe

In anything, anyone a Deity

In anything bigger than

What he holds in his two hands

Sifting through his fingers,

Meaningless grains of sand

------

What stirs inside his memory

Under that blazing sun?

Something he lost or where he begun?

He raises his weathers worn hands to his face

His fingers are leathery and long.

There within the rocks and ruins

He sobs into the desert

Anger, yells, shudders he stops.

Here she lies. My lover. My friend.

The one who understood

She was me, she was my good

------

He raises slightly from his hunch

Whipped by the cruel sand fuelled winds

The bedouin stands, wipes his weary eyes

Protects himself from the onslaught.

Amongst the rocks and ruins

Lays his sanctity. Dry bones.

Now he leaves. He is truly alone.

Reviews

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

a journey through a momentary bend in history~like a sonnet~you truly explore and interpret the mind patterns very well~ in essence you take the reader there~

[Tea And A Cheshire Smil..]

Whilst I enjoyed reading this, I agree with Ian and FlawedByDesign. I won't go into detail and repeat the points that have already been made but I will say that this work could be improved upon. This was a really good effort though, much better than most ^^

[FlawedByDesign]

Instead of raising a lot of points, I will just reinforce what Mr. Ian Freeman has already said. However I will add, that the line "He must be moving on" didn't really work for me, because if I am not mistaking, he did not move anywhere from "Amongst the rocks and ruins".

Good effort :)

[Floundering About]

The emotional landscape I think is clear... What makes me curious is what makes this poem difficult for me to parse, I stumble over lines and go back over them.

"He's no reason to believe / In anything, anyone a Diety / In anything bigger than"
First I read this as "He's no reason to believe in anything. Anyone a diety in anything bigger than." Then "He's no reason to believe in anything, anyone, a diety, in anything bigger than." Why no comma after "anyone"?

"The one who understood / She was me, she was my good"
This has the feel of broken off speech from someone upset. And it skips over any difference between him and his lover. Strangely he seems to be acknowledging that he isn't mourning her, just the self he was with her.

And finally there is the beginning, in which I can't determine if one or many are being spoken of. "A life" but many "Bedouins" but then a series of singulars, "the explorer, the traveller the thief". He is all of these things perhaps.

And of course because I'm always willing to find a connection between form and content, I think of these as "rocks and ruins" that I'm climbing, falling and stumbling over.

[Coyote Poetry]

The story is amazing. The character Bedouin came alive with your strong story. The description and detail was very good. When we look back at a life. Sometime we see more losses then victories. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Luna Northstar]

Very nice flow, its sad... but powerful. Very amazing and descriptive words, and a great story.

[Abdul Aziz]

This truly has a song-like feel to it, and shades of influence of the Romantic Poets. The traveller is portrayed with panache, and the use of sands and the desert as an allusion to describe how lonely he is, is very well done.
A note on the structure.. The poem started off with half-rhymes, and then started to diversify. The number of lines in each stanza varies. This, in my opinion, further enhances the portrayal of the traveller, lost in the desert of sadness.
I really like reading your poems. Very well done!