Getting Clean

My daddy made me go to rehab but I said no, no, no

He sits, legs shaking waiting, waiting, breathing,

How did he end up having to open up to strangers?

Telling them his innermost fears, hopes, dreams? Anticipating

the arrival of the doctor he coughs nervously, thinking of dangers

and pitfalls to avoid. Don’t tell them anything, only what they want to hear.

Tell them you’re normal, over the worst.

Don’t let them see the real you, don’t let them see the fear.

Sitting there his nervousness obvious, ready to burst.

He bites his nails and concentrates on his breath

If he can keep his anger under control it will be a first.

He really wants to get high on meth,

Even though he hasn’t touched it for years,

He remembers the girl, and her death.

Shaking his head, fighting the tears.

He made who he is, and although he’s not proud

He’ll do this for the girl in her funeral shroud.

Author's Note

Wrote this after reading a million little pieces by James Frey. If you haven't read it, give it a go :) Thanks as always for your reviews!

Reviews

[PaperHearts]

Wow, what a heartbreaking write. At first, I was slightly hesitant about the format of this piece, and found the way it flowed a little uncomfortable and awkward, but as the poem progressed and I began to grasp the style of the poem, I actually found myself really enjoying it. There was a real depth to this poem that I liked, in terms of both character and concept, and I liked the fact that you continued to surprise the reader with little bits of information about the character's story, particularly towards the end of the poem. Nice write,
~PaperHearts

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was sad. I liked it though. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Breezie Kae]

This is a very strong poem and it has a lot of emotion. Great write. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

In most cases we must learn the hard way. A sad and powerful poem. I knew many Vietnam Vets who still go the clinics. Your description and story is outstanding. A excellent story that is too real in this world.
Coyote

[RDOriginal]

Right, so I've read up on James Frey and A Million Little Pieces but I've not actually read any of the book... Regardless of that I shall press on with my review undeterred!

Initially I agreed with some of the other comments that this is more of a piece of free writing than poetry. Then I took another look at the way in which the poem gains more structure and a rhyme scheme towards the end. I may be reading too much into it but are you trying to reflect the ordering of the characters thoughts as time progresses? Maybe the treatment is working?

There's also an interesting change in tone from the dispassionate description of the physical addiction symptoms through to the emotions going through the addicts head. It would be much harder for us as the reader to identify with the character if you hadn't done this. Seeing him as physically weak and vulnerable opens our hearts to try to understand the reasons for his sorry state.

I'm particularly interested by the revelation that the addict acknowledges that it is he who, "made who he is". However, he can only emerge from his problems by doing it for someone else, "he'll do this for the girl in her funeral shroud". As readers we can only hope that getting clean for the memory of someone else is enough and that he can get by without doing it for himself.

The strength of this poem lies in the narration of a story, it may not adhere to any strict rules and conventions of poetry but it's perhaps emotionally warmer for that reason.

[Abdul Aziz]

I agree with Ian. There is a detached feeling, as if scrutinizing the character the narrator talks about.
The rhyme scheme imparts quite a unique feel to the poem. It almost started out as barely rhymed free verse, and ended as very well rhymed poetry!
It is difficult to maintain such a rhyme scheme in a prose-like piece of poetry. But you do it with panache.
Very well done!

[Luna Northstar]

Its so interesting. After the first line you had me hooked. It had a great story compacted into just a few lines. Amazing job.

[Ruth]

This is actually set like a storey too! Wonderfully written love:)
You can really feel the anguish in so little space! Concise and hard hitting!
Great read!
xx

[Floundering About]

To me the rhyming scheme gives a mocking tone. He becomes a comedic character within the rhyming of the lines, and the narrator seems to smirk at the predictable cadence of his misfortune. I'm not sure if you intended such detachment from the subject matter?

[FlawedByDesign]

What I got from reading this is that the guy is seeing a shrink to get over "her death. Hence why he has to open up to strangers and keep "his anger under control", all the while he's on the brink of giving back into getting "high on meth.

The form is a little unusual, with lines getting bigger by the syllable early on just to shrink again. I've never read James Frey, but I'm guessing this is akin to his writing style. It definitely works, except that I feel like the early rhymes don't come through and this is probably due to the length of the lines.

Nicely done :)