Soul Searching

I’m lost, don’t want to be found

Spiralling down, down,down.

Grabbing on to my hopes and dreams,

Weaving these words into silent screams.

�"-

I’m fighting, day by day

A space for me, a place to play.

Somewhere where I can just be me

Maybe somewhere to be truly free.

�"-

The black clouds loom I run away

Really don’t know what to say.

I’m sometimes sad, mostly alone

My voice is drowned in monotone.

�"-

I try to hard, I bend and break,

There’s only so much I can take.

It’s such a heavy cross to bear

Being lost, so lost without you there.

�"-

And so the spiral makes her turn

We live and learn, we live to learn.

I claw my way out of this hole

And try on the light I stole.

�"-

Forgive me, for I have sinned

My fragments shatter on the wind.

Reviews

[Abdul Aziz]

I think you've done justice to the ambitious topic you've chosen here. And that is precisely because of the honesty in your words. While there are many great lines embedded in there, this line grabbed my attention particularly :
"We live and learn, we live to learn."
How simple, and yet how profound. Brilliant!
I believe the rhyming enhances the strength of the poem, actually. Except perhaps for the ending couplet.
As usual, a great read!

[.]

"The black clouds loom I run away
Really don’t know what to say.
I’m sometimes sad, mostly alone
My voice is drowned in monotone."

{great rhyme scheme--and a perfect expression of life-lost emotions}

james:-)

[Miss Coral]

I think that this was a great piece, though in some places it felt like the rhyme scheme dominated it, and it felt a bit forced. However, I thought it was very good otherwise. Nice job. c:

[Amaunet]

i can completely relate to this write - as i think a lot of us can. who hasn't had a moment where we feel so completely lost that we're falling into an abyss of our own choosing to hide from pain?

fantastic job!

[RDOriginal]

There's an awful lot of desolation and despair in this poem and it leaves the reader with the feeling that all is truly lost.

I detect in the first stanza that the writer is using their art to provide something to cling to in life. As there is nobody there to provide support she grabs 'on to my hopes and dreams, weaving these words into silent screams.' We're thus given the impression that although writing is the result it is an expression of the agony she feels inside. I get the impression that this poem almost demanded to be written by the narrator, a version of 'I think therefore I am' has become 'I hurt therefore I write this poem'.

There are several mood changes in this poem. To me the first stanza seems to be about utter desolation. The second stanza is about hope - even though it may be the result of 'fighting' against life. The third stanza has a lost, almost frightened mood as she talks about running away and being 'drowned'. By the fourth stanza an edge of futility has developed, 'there's only so much I can take' cries hopelessness. Like the second stanza the fifth stanza is about hope but this time in a more concrete form, the image of trying on 'the light I stole' suggests that the narrator has found something to sustain her but there's an element of guilt or reluctance to fully acknowledge it. The final two lines however destroy the effect of this grain of hope as the narrator seems to blame herself and suggest that as 'fragments shatter on the wind' she cannot perhaps ever be fixed.

This is a insightful study of loss and the struggle to continue which I really enjoyed reading.

[Coyote Poetry]

So many of the lines I liked.
"We live and learn, we live to learn."
The poem told a very good story. A lot of common sense wisdom in the poem. I like the complete poem. A very good ending to a outstanding poem.
Coyote

[FlawedByDesign]

What I love about this piece is that the person in question is doing it all by herself. First we have the the fall,
"I’m lost, don’t want to be found
Spiraling down, down,down." - followed by,
"I claw my way out of this hole
And try on the light I stole." - nobody will help you if you do not help yourself first. Self-reliance is the best we can for ourselves.
Appreciated the rhyme and the form fit the poem.

Well done :)

[Ruth]

The feelings of utter loss in this are vivid, you have portrayed that really well:)
A moving poem and a read that makes the reader feel that isolation!
xx

[Dan]

I love "my voice is drowned in monotone. Use more of this imagery in future, it really helps bring your writing to life, even when expressing sadness and a feeling of being lost.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

heartrending~ in reading this I immediately related the feelings of despair to depression~ an intense write~