I know the rhyming is pretty horrific and the wording elementary, but then actual rhyming poems have never been my strong-suit. I honestly only like the last stanza...
Update: I just got finished reading over all the reviews and would like to say thank you to everyone who has contributed so far. You have given more meaning and beauty to this piece than I ever did. Your insights and comments are treasured. ^-^
My Review
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Ah, you're not giving yourself enought credit with this one. Its a wonderful story of love's progression and the way it evolves, but remains strong. Its very moving, especially the last stanza. Very sad, but still full of love - the undying kind that stays with you for life and maybe beyond. Its a very good job!
This is such a lovely piece! The desire to find the truest of all loves as we live entire lives in the eyes of someone we've just met. How many times have we lived and re-lived an entire life in the depths of another's eyes we know in name only?
A beautiful poem of longing from one who wishes to know the depths of truest love- and understands the commitment it takes to get there. I wonder if sometimes we commit in our minds before we've even determined if the person is compatible with us, or will make a good partner? "Dance with me", we say, while in our minds we already are asking how their last name fits with ours! Yet the final stanza seems to be saying that you do have the patience to wait for it, and the rest could be read as a longing, not an expectation.
I thought this was actually very well written. You have a way with words that transports the reader into another level, another plane, into the secret world of the heart. Very good, indeed.
Wow, such sad beauty...
This was just stunning and so well thought out. I also Loved the last stanza, but the rest the poem really gave it life. This was beautiful!
Oh this is so sweet..
Look my way,its never too late,wish you d stay,take me to dance floor ,music is our time
Your gaze too strong cant stare too long,Walk with me down this path I ve never been
Take me in your arms and steal a kiss,protect me and scare away the bees
Strife with me and we face the world together,share your nightmares ,i tell my fears
Please touch me one more time ,hold me in your arms and tell me you are mine
cover me with kisses ,brush the tears away..look into my eyes
since that day you looked into them,I have never felt alone
lovely write..
I don't think the rhyming or or words got in the way at all, this poem was from the heart, which makes the poem wonderful. There was so much longing and passion and love that filled your poem along with many other emotions that helps strengthen the piece. I enjoyed how you went through the years and what would happen in those years. A very good write! You have a lot of talent!
This was a beautiful, touching poem about love- how it grows on us, and then ends up leaving so quickly once life is over. It was truly amazing and I'm sure a few have shed tears reading this. I had a few "aww" moments myself. Magnificent job :)
I am a person.
I am enthralled with reading/writing poetry and stories, as well as collecting quotes.
I am captivated by beauty. I study it any chance I get.
I want desperately to be loved by my S.. more..