Chapter 2- I want to die.

"I want to die" were the first words that came into my head after I registered everything. I had already promised Bella I would not live in a world without her. I felt dead inside...if that was even possible. I couldn't speak, I couldn't think... my legs wouldn't even move me when I wanted to go to the door. It was too hard to accept...I didn't want to imagine Bella drowning...wishing that someone would come save her. If only I had never left...if only I hadn't inflicted pain on both of us. I now realized I deserved to die too. I had to move fast. I already had a plan in action in case I ever did lose Bella, so I didn't have to worry about that. My biggest problem was Alice. She probably has seen me make my decision...she probably already told Carisle. i had only a day until my family would probably show up. I could already picture it. Esme would say Edward please, I know Bella meant a lot to you...but you can't do this to me...please! And Carisle would say Think about what you are doing Edward...think about your family. And no doubt Jasper and Emmet would somehow try to restrain me. But I wasn't going to let that happen. I will go to the Volturi...and beg for death. And if they wouldn't grant it, then I will make a scene. There is no way that they would let me reveal myself to the humans. Especially during the Saint Marc Day festival. My whole body was still numb, but I had to make it work. With some effort, I yanked open my apartment window and I fell through it. I landed 25 feet down on the bricks paving the street. I quickly took off in the direction of the Volturi tower...It felt weird running after not using my legs for so long. I ran under the concealment of the building shadows towering under me. I tried my best not to think about anything else except my destination. I couldn't think about Bella...or Esme...or Alice...or I just might change my mind.