Chapter 1

Just felt like sharing

The evening breeze flowed through the air and made the corn stalks sway gently. Estelle sat on a rocking chair, on the porch of a small wooden cabin, swinging back and forth. She rubbed her belly lovingly as she thought about the life she was carrying inside her. She looked at her beautiful black mare eating some grass next to the cabin.
"you know princess, you're going to have a baby sister soon. Don't ask me how, i just know it's going to be a girl" she said to the horse and smiled widely. She closed her eyes and kept rubbing her belly while thinking of beautiful baby girl names when,
Bang!! Suddenly, there was a gunshot. It was normal to hear a gun shot. There were many dangerous animals around and gunshots were often used to scare them away. This time though, the gunshot made Estelle very worried. She didn't understand why, so she tried to ignore it and continue thinking about the baby she was carrying.
"lady Estelle, lady Estelle!" a farm hand ran towards the cabin shouting.
"the boss was shot" he said as he stood before her trying to catch his breath. She felt the world spin and she blacked out.
"it's best not to tell her about any of this till she recovers fully" Estelle heard her mother say to her maid Rose.
"Yes Lady Bernadette"
"Tell be 'bout what? " Estelle asked weakly, barely with her eyes open. She noted the look on her mother's face and knew she wasn't going to get an answer to her question. She wondered why she was on the bed and tried to remember what happened. "my husband. Where is my husband?! Where is Richie." she asked quickly getting agitated.
"Try to be calm my child, please for the baby's sake." Her mother said, moving to sit next to her on the bed.
"Where is my husband?! Rose?! You had better answer me this minute" Estelle shouted at Rose, who stood in front of the bed with her head down.
"Now!!" Estelle shouted again, making Rose slowly raise her head to reveal a tear filled face.
"No. No, no, no, no!! Mama, tell me that Richie is fine. I want to see my husband."
"Please Estelle, just try to be calm. You can't get out of bed now, the doctor said so." Bernadette tried unavailingly to keep her daughter on the bed.
"I want to see my husband" Estelle looked at her mother sternly with eyes filled with tears waiting to fall. Bernadette tried to stop her daughter by blocking the doorway, but Estelle pushed past her.
"Richie! Richard where are you?" Estelle shouted through the corridor as she rushed through the house from one room to another, her mother quickly running behind her.
In her heart, Estelle knew something was terribly wrong, but she fought hard to push away the feeling of dread that was taking over her body.
"Richie! Ri-" she was stopped in her heels by the sight of what she dreaded the most, lying right before her eyes was the pale, lifeless body of the man she loved so much.
"No. This isn't happening. Noo!!!" she wailed
"Noooo!!! Richie!!!!" She reached out and touched the cold body in front of her and lost every sort of composure she still had. She fell on the floor and rolled around wailing and screaming from a deep sense of pain she never thought she would feel.
"Oh No!" Bernadette's heart melted as she saw her daughter completely devastated and losing her mind.
"It's gonna be fine baby. It will." Bernadette held her weeping child in a tight embrace, while she also tried to stop the river of tears coming for her own eyes
"Ma'am?" a young worker said, entering the room some time later with three other men who had heard Estelle's wailing and sensed that their help was needed.
"Yes Johnny, help me get her back to her room." Bernadette said to him, and tried to lift Estelle who was already weak from weeping.
"No. Leave me! I want to be with him. I want to stay here. You ca- you can't take me away" Estelle protested between tears.
"Please, just take her" Bernadette said to Johnny, as she stood up from the floor and wiped her overflowing tears with her hands.
Johnny carried Estelle away, despite her reluctance and weak resistance. The other three men left the room after Johnny, leaving Bernadette who looked around the simple guest room which was now where her dead son in law lay.
"I put some pills in her water so she could sleep. Nobody goes anywhere near this room except me and the doctor. She is unavailable to attend to any visitors, any sympathizers would be handled by me or Johnny. It is the job of each and every one of you to ensure that both my daughter and unborn grandchild are well taken care of and go through this difficult time as easily as possible. I hope you all understand that"
"Yes Lady Bernadette" the entire house staff replied after Bernadette's instructions.
"Thank you for your service. I know this must not be easy for you all as well, but we all have to be strong and move on. Especially for Estelle's sake. You may all leave." she concluded and sat on a sofa after the staff left the living room.
"i have addressed the farm workers Ma'am" Johnny said upon entering the room.
"Thank you. We have to start preparing for the funeral." Bernadette sighed.
"I am here for whatever you need. I will return to the office and make sure everything is sorted out with our clients. There are a lot of rumors going round and the workers don't know what to tell people about what happened." he said
"I wish we had caught the b*****d who did this. We searched the entire property, but we couldn't find that lowlife." Johnny clenched his hat in his hands angrily
"Just tell the workers to not give any information to anybody. Their boss is dead, no details." she replied.
"Alright Ma'am. If you would excuse me."
Bernadette sobbed with her face in her hands. It was one of the hardest things she ever had to go through and all she could think about was how much pain her daughter was in.

Author's Note

I just wrote this part, i would like to know if someone wants me to continue writing it.

Reviews

[Srchaud]

It gets off on the right foot, right into the drama but I feel things were kind of off. The part below sticking out the most.
Bang!! Suddenly, there was a gunshot. It was normal to hear a gun shot. There were many dangerous animals around and gunshots were often used to scare them away. This time though, the gunshot made Estelle very worried. She didn't understand why, so she tried to ignore it and continue thinking about the baby she was carrying.
-I would lose suddenly and keep bang a gunshot. Or better yet the high pop of a gunshot echoed beyond the cornfield.
I would skip explaining how she felt it was wrong. maybe have her jolt from the unexpected noise but tell her baby its alright you will get used to gunfire. happens all the time to ward away animals.
-by saying she new it was wrong, then having the farm hand tell her something is wrong takes away from the buildup. If she thinks everything is fine and then the farm hand tells her something is wrong it packs more a punch.
Also stay away from NOOOOOs the problem is unless used right they are kind of cringey and do not add to the grief we should be feeling. Instead explain how she crying, holding the still bleeding body of her husband in her arms. Kissing the drained color lips of her husband,etc.Nooooo falls flat, its not a movie so it loses its edge.
Finally the time period is confusion, I have no idea when this is taking place. It could be fixed very with some extra decriptions. Maybe she notices her husbands truck in the driveway if modern. Or maybe when they go into the house/mansion that too it not mentioned, they turn on lights or light gas oil lamps.
The idea of a pregnant women losing her husband, then seeking revenge is solid, it just needs a few more edits to make you have written pop off the page.

[Avia]

I really appreciate this. I see the need for all the corrections and I'm so grateful for them. I do not write stories a lot, I write poems mostly, I'd like to see what you think about them. I'll take to the corrections and utilize them.

[Srchaud]

Ill check out your poems. As we all know they tend to be two different beast.

[Avia]

Thanks ☺

[tinflea]

When does this take place? Of course, keep writing!

[Avia]

Thanks tinflea. It is a modern day story. To be honest, i am making up the details as i go, but i have the basics of the plot down already. I'm glad you like it. It has a second chapter, i'd be glad to know what you think about that too