caged and bound

for all those times when we fall back into the things we worked hard to get out of

I feel caged, I feel bound

Like a lost sheep, waiting to be found

I open my eyes and see a dark space

I start to wonder how I got to this place

I was safe at the top of the mountain

In a beautiful garden with an endless fountain

But I succumbed to the pull of the mountain's edge

The fall was swift and the product was regret

I lay here, paralyzed and broken

Locked in a cage that's impossible to open

Bound by the chains from which I was set free

I'm back here again, will He still help me?

Maybe He's tired of bailing me out every time

How long will it take to learn this lesson of mine?

As I sit alone with my thoughts overwhelming

I want to end all of this, I seem to be losing

But there's a small drop of hope left In my withered heart

That tells me that He loves me, even when I fall apart

And so with all the faith I have left in me

I call out to He who would never desert me

He comes like a bright, shining light

The darkness flees, fearful of his might

He breaks the chains and melts the bars

Now I am on the mountain again, smiling up at the stars

 

Reviews

[emipoemi]

Imagery = brilliant!
musicality = fantastic!
narrative = awesome...... until the Deus-ex-machina section. It's not that it's bad, and probably you use it because of your faith, which is fine, but in poetry, it's not quite an awe-inspiring device. If you use it, it needs to be done with care in order to truly have meaning. And since this poem is all about the trials and tribulations of always getting stuck in the same "cage", to end it with a Deus ex machina as a sign of another pardon and chance to start anew seems a tad on the cheat side of things especially after such beautifully powerful lines as "Maybe He's tired of bailing me out every time/How long will it take to learn this lesson of mine?" The Deus ex machina lines, which are powerful in themselves I would suggest to convey them in a notion of hope that such would happen, for the aforementioned lines convey the message that He's done it before, and so the hope could therefore convey with the same imagery something along the lines of "if he's done so before, he can do it again, He will not foresake me". So I would suggest that you play around with that. Never end a serious poem happy, it's why it's a serious poem, there can be bits that leave hope, but never a full happy ending. Especially not by Deus ex machina.

A good poem nonetheless.

[Avia]

thanks a lot for this. I haven't had the time to read it properly until now, and I am glad you explained all that to me. I will make sure to use it.

[emipoemi]

you're welcome.