from LIGHTMAN

a few pages from the feature film project, the formatting was wrecked when I pasted it--can't be fixed

 from LIGHTMAN

 

EXT. BEACH ACCESSORIES TENT�"DAY

VENUS (30s, lovely) and SCOUT (30s, curvacious) are looking over some bathing suits at a shop set up near Nauset Beach.

SCOUT

This looks cute.

Scout holds up a two-piece suit.

VENUS

I could never wear that.

SCOUT

You should do something,

Venus.

 

VENUS

Like what?

 

SCOUT

You think I got these b***s

from my grandma?

 

VENUS

You been working out?

 

SCOUT

Working out? Forget it.

I've been doing Busto.

VENUS

Busto? What's that?

SCOUT

Here. Take a look.

Scout looks around, and determines no one's looking. She pulls down the back of her bikini bottom to reveal a patch on one cheek.

VENUS

Holy smokes. What's that?

 

 

 

SCOUT

It's my Busto patch. It's

the latest thing in breast

enhancement. There is just

one thing.

VENUS

What's that?

SCOUT

It does kind of make you

horny.

VENUS

It's a cruel world, Scoutie.

SHOPGIRL, (30's), wasted, skinny ex-biker chick, notices the girls non-shopping behavior.

SHOPGIRL

Take it outside, girls.

This ain't no convention

center.

EXT. OUTSIDE SHOP�"DAY

Venus and Scout exit tent just as Mr. RIDICULOUS (38, muscleman) and Mr. OUTRAGEOUS (37, also a bodybuilder) are coming down wooden planks from the beach.

RIDICULOUS

Well, if it isn't Scout and�"

what's your name?

OUTRAGEOUS

It's Supergirlfriend�"the gal

who likes to get next to

Lightman.

VENUS

What of it Outrageous?

RIDICULOUS

Want to get some fried clams,

Scout?

VENUS

Don't bother with them,

Scoutie.

SCOUT

I am kind of hungry.

Venus pulls her away.

VENUS

Come on, Scout.

RIDICULOUS

Okay, Scout. Catch you

later.

Mr. Ridiculous and Mr. Outrageous go up to hot dog and fried clam stand near dunes.

OUTRAGEOUS

Did you bring your dental

floss?

Mr. Ridiculous pulls out small plastic package from his pocket.

RIDICULOUS

You're not using my dental

floss.

He pushes Outrageous away. Outrageous pulls a knife on him.

OUTRAGEOUS

Hand it over Ridiculous.

Ridiculous hands it to him.

RIDICULOUS

Here. Happy now?

OUTRAGEOUS

Don't mess with me.

Venus and Scout have been watching this from afar.

VENUS

I think you had too much

Busto, Scout. You know that

guy?

SCOUT

Who? Mr. Ridiculous.

VENUS

Is that what he's called?

Mr. Ridiculous? Because

that's what he is, if he

hangs out with that other guy.

I bet they stole Lightman's

dog.

EXT. DECK OF HOUSE�"NIGHT

WOMAN, (50's), is on phone, hysterical.

WOMAN

Lightman, you got to

help us. I don't know who

else to call. Crabs! Crabs!

They're all over the place.

EXT. DRIVEWAY�"NIGHT

Woman shines flashlight on CRAB #1 (a fiddler crab), hustling down driveway with CRAB #2 (also a fiddler crab).

CRAB #1

Holy crap! What are these

houses doing here?

CRAB #2

I told you. They're all

over the place.

CRAB #1

How the hell am I going

to find my financial records?

CRAB #2

I know. I filed for an

extension too. Now this!

I hate that light.

Woman shines another flashlight on them.

CRAB #1

Let's get out of here!

EXT. STREET NEAR HOUSE�"NIGHT

Lightman, (40s, tall, gangly) in fully lit Lightman Machine, a dunebuggy, screeches to a halt, and jumps out.

LIGHTMAN

Okay, you little crabbies!

Back to the water!

He shines massive row of lights on the ground and the little fiddler crabs scatter, head for the bay, and splash into the water at the shore.