Rule you fool you

Hostile thrones

Transgressing their lmits

Living a lie

And they’ll test our boundaries

conflict and betrayal

creating visceral responses

and yet no one will ever see em

Provoke the enemy

They only conceal

The depths of blasphemy

Dirt in crime

Shows face to reality

As we watch them bribe

Their own faith for lust

Blinded by becoming

Heedless in their treachery

Tainted smiles

Of the spoils of this world

Swallows the love

That we once called democracy

 

Reviews

Sorry for late review in reply to your RR... busy as of late.

Anyways, I really enjoyed reading this poem. It had quite some good things about it, such as its core subject value and overall moral standard about it. I really wanna say it's very critical of humanity and the society we live in now and day. I don't really know what the world is like in Austria right now :/ but from what I read, in your poetry, it doesn't sound much different from the United States.
I also think the words that rhyme were pretty great choices, such as "blasphemy" and "treachery". Potentially a good eye for things that sound good I find.
Alright, now for a little bit of constructive criticism... small things first..
possible spelling mistake in line 2, then again there's a possibility you meant "imit" (as in the verb expression of an imitation) in which case capitalization of the "i" makes it hard to distinguish.
also, idk how you can be "betrayed" by rivalries since there was no trust there to begin with if they are in fact considered "rivalries"... it's kinda a grammar error there.
the rhythm/beat is really muddled by the line variation, such as between lines 5 and 4... what really threw those two off was actually in arrangement of the stanzas (reading straight on from line 1 to 5), due to the fact that the poem is not divided into individual stanzas, it's hard to tell where the poem breaks and begins a new rhythm or stanza, and is instead read as if it were "spoken word" which is a type of poetry read straightforward throughout (which has a steady beat for that reason). technically the stanza should've ended at line 3 since it's after line 3 the arrangement seems to differ (makes it a little easier to read), but that's only a highlight of the beginning of the poem.... there was also no set rhyme scheme which isn't really needed but when many other things are missing, it's a great safety feature in poetry.
to be quite serious, I dare say to infer that you most likely written this poem off the top of your head which is a daring thing to do and VERY challenging... and probably should never be done unless you have an a good number of tools and techniques scattered about and randomly plotted in your head. if you really want to write poetry like that, first you have to research a good variety of techniques that are already known throughout poetry through pieces already written and taken apart, such as Old Norse Poetry which has completely been deciphered down to techniques of Alliteration to the use of Heitis. There are numerous amounts of techniques already known and freely available throughout the internet with a good search ^_^ so, whenever free time pops up, the best thing I can suggest if your goal is to write from the top of your head is to learn a good variety of techniques to help you to do so, and do it well. it's a good goal, and a valuable skill to achieve if one does so.

Overall, 90/100 I say. It was pretty great, especially in moral and the really insightful views which radiate from it. I adored it. Keep up the good work bro ^_^ can't wait to read more of your stuff.

[R J Askew]

This puts me in mind of the protests that have been breaking out all over the world in 2011. If we are ground down, humiliated, lied to for year after year it is inevitable that we will start to feel like this. And then the trouble begins. And if we do not find freedom and justice the trouble goes on and on until we do. What a year for 'visceral responses'!

[tekphobik]

I love the feeling, but I'd like to see less abstraction and more of a concrete context as to why you feel the way you do. i could go on for hours over why one is more important than the other, arguing both sides as my own devil's advocate, but instead I'll simply say that while your piece invokes feeling it doesn't invoke it with reason that you provide, only with my own beliefs does it penetrate and therefore it only resonates with me on a surface level as opposed to diving deeper within. Let's see some teeth to that nibble!

[Irfan Bashir Shah]

Lot to look out there!
Although i would've loved had it been stretched a little but that is an error in my account. You delivered your message quite nicely. There is scope for improvement as i see.
Overall it was nice reading your poem.

[Coyote Poetry]

You said it all in this poem. I like the way you made your point in this powerful poem.
"Dirt in crime
Shows face to reality
As we watch them bribe
Their own faith for lust"
A very strong ending to a outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Ruth]

And nothing is as it seems! This is brilliantly portrayed, very clever work love...profound and intense all the way through, freedom dimishes daily...
Wonderful piece xoxo

[Becky C Strukamp]

this is amazing...spot on there!!!

[Sashalee]

wow...soooo awesome
typo first stanza "limits" :)

[wijdan]

wow
awesome ..... i loved this one ..... :)

[AMP]

Wow... Just... Um, wow. You know what? EVERY politician should read this. The should be forced to stop and think and consider the harm in what they're doing. Consider how low they will go for their own gain... Consider how much they will sacrifice livelihood of the people for their own prosperity or forcing of their perspective. Well said. Well, said indeed. I loved this.