Sinners Path

Authors Note: This poem was inspired by Nathan Feuerstein. Some words may sound similar to his.

Stumbled in the dark.

Upon the path of dirt.

Contemplated pain.

Remembered the hurt.

Thought I was going nowhere.

Looks have been decieved.

The depression in the air.

Made it difficult to breathe.

Every step I took.

I went deeper in hell.

Couldn't take anymore.

Let me out of my cell.

Breathless, I suffocated

Against my will.

I fell to the ground.

My body laid still.

Author's Note

Trying to get over my Writers Block. I apologize for inadequacy.

Reviews

[TonightWeDine]

I can imagine this point of view of becoming lost in the dark while suffocating. Very deep though. You can expand more upon it, if you like. Other than that, it's a good intriguing poem.

[poetgurl]

Love this write a lot,
very well written and presented

[emipoemi]

Good Writer's Block tip: Listen to the poem, and let it speak to you. Don't try to control it, for you as the poet don't know what it's trying to do. The poem alone knows what it's doing, and has merely chosen you, the poet, as the medium through which to enter the world. Let the essence flow through you, and collaborate with it. Don't take unnecessary charge.

My critiques for this poem is primarily centred on musicality (a couple of lines are in need of another syllable to properly flow). Certain lines also seem to be written with forced rhymes, and in so doing end up being grammatically ambiguous. Namely, "looks have been deceived." What this saying is literally the "looks" have been deceived - that the "looks" are the object of the deception - when by the flow of the stanza and its tone, I'm under the impression that you're wanting to say that the "looks" are doing the "deceiving". With respect to what I was saying earlier about "letting the spirit of the poem flow through you and speak to you", I'd definitely suggest you let this incubate awhile, and come back to it once you hear the spirit talking. For it has potential, no doubt. Definitely has some power....now you just have to mold it to perfection. Good start! and good luck with your conquest of the dreaded block :)

[Autumn Raine]

Ahaha..... You're breaking my heart, sir.

[emipoemi]

au contraire....I'm helping to patch it up

[Autumn Raine]

Non, non. Vous êtes de casse mon coeur, monsieur Ontario

[emipoemi]

Attention, mademoiselle, ce n'est pas très prudent provoquer mon clown...... Il ne prend pas des prisonniers.

[Autumn Raine]

A white lie could've been better. And you don't know me very well to be criticizing my works.

[emipoemi]

I'm only trying to help. What I say is not the problem, it's how you deal with it. If you want me to go easy on you, you just have to say so. I'm very negotiable.