Hauntings from the past

Just another random entry of my disabilities

I haven't spoke much about things from my past. I don't even remember very much. All I know is that it's probably one of the reasons I have so much emotional distress. I've spoken about some of the things but I've never really given any indication that it's causing any problems for me. 

Sometimes I feel like these things haunt me. So when they start to haunt me then I go into this mode of distress and panic. I feel like my mind is going to explode and my body feels really weak and shaky. I don't know what to do or how to explain why it happens. 

I have trouble explaining a lot of the things that trigger me to have these sort of emotional outbursts. There are times when I can sit there having one of them and yet I can't react to them the way that I should react to what is happening.

Then it becomes a problem later when something unexpected happens out in public and I melting down or causing a big outburst over something could just be seen as no big deal. All of those things that build up still haunt me. Things that I've said that I just can't say anymore because I feel like it won't make any difference.

I know it can't all just be part of the autism. There is something emotionally wrong with me that I can never explain. It sometimes gets to a point where I end up digging and scraping my wrist almost until there is blood or just enough to make a wound that takes a while to heal.

I don't like this part about me. I don't like cutting yet I don't like the emotions that I feel. I just don't know what to do. I feel like there might be something else wrong with me. I know having autism doesn't cause this sort of issue for me.

Author's Note

This comes from my therapy journal. It's more about my autism along with other things. I kind of rambled on though about other things but it all leads upto my past either way. XD

Reviews

[MOON]

Hi Alice
You write so clearly and concisely . I hope you find what causes the problem. I wish you all the luck and write all the time , sometimes in writing the answers come.
Take care