My Tongue Keeps Sticking

Its not too late to choose something else to read. Wait, you've already started. Too late!

 

My tongue keeps sticking; I think one cheekbone is higher than the other.

I’m also trying to resurrect this from the ashes of neglect. I was lost but not quite found.

 

Encountering me, you may find me checking out of society. It’s still the straight and narrow I travel, but not one so hilly. I’ve decided to seek my own level. One, so far below the radar, I’m having trouble adjusting my sonar.

 

Did you know, from underneath, people swim with hairy armpits?

You’ll notice I’m not the one wearing the straight jackets,

And one look at them you can see that they’re the ones that are all wet.

 

There are plenty of schools here,

 

It shouldn’t be hard to learn a new trade (i.e. bubble blowing, Sanskrit, etc.).

I can even hunt Tigers or Leopards here.

            We’re having a little soirée up at the ‘Ole Reef’ tonight,

            The ‘Pickerels’ are playing and we’re all meeting up to swap old fishing lines.

I’ve observed that if groupers were groupies I’d probably have enough friends.

 

I have offshore accounts:

 

On account of my new status as Authoricus, conferred by my loving associates.

On account I can’t make ‘it’ in the real world, (it being money).

On account my tastes run from food left-out (overs being passé in my book).

            And ‘Fum-unda’ cheese, stored in all fine food stores under the dairy case.

            To Escargot under glass (I’ve never been able to abide the slimy things, but I           can’t stand them in my garden either).

 

Tomorrow is my birthday, I’m finally old enough to know better.

I’m finally old enough to know better (did you hear something?).

 

All this time, I’ve been trying to invite you!

I’ve already bought all the presents.

I’m a little upset no one’s sent me a card yet.

If this keeps up, I’m not sure if I want you around anymore.

I’m certainly not one to hang around where I’m not wanted.

 

Goodbye.

Author's Note

Ignore everything here, I don't think it even qualifies as a poem. I'm not sure what to call it, but its good enough for me.