In the walk of life, we turn back and see what we have, what we lost, where we are and where we wanted to be.
A poem I wrote on a journey in the train.
LAST SEPTEMBER...
The breeze...cold across my face Touching my cheek, kissing my neck The fire...frozen in your heart Thunder in your voice, lightening in your eyes
Do you remember? Last September... You told me, you won't leave me ever Now that you've gone, gone away forever I never thought this would be, no, no never!
The tears...dried on my face My eyes in daze, my stride in pace You look at me from behind that book And talk about me like I'm not there
Oh, do you remember? Last September You put the ring on my finger You promised me, you'll never leave me That I'll always be in your embrace
No I won't forget But I'll forgive.
In this fall...I'll be standing tall No, I'm no doll of circumstances I'll forgive, but I won't forget All of our past dates Parties and dances and all those awkward glances All are gone This September...
Those dreams, now only screams Once sheltered now left bereaved Under the open clear sky...
LAST SEPTEMBER is based on two people, Vipra and Nikhil, two angels in my life.
A relationship worth envy, a flourishing career and a beautiful life ahead of these then 22 years old young couple.
Something happened, fate took a U-turn and with her vicious smile ended it all...
I wrote the poem on a fair October afternoon on my train journey reminiscing past days.
Rest in Peace, Vipra, you were one young and beautiful soul and thanks for sharing with me the best of your short but sweet life.
Peace.
My other poems are currently taken down.
My Review
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in a similar situation myself. not calling it quits yet, but after four years, my wife and I are engaged in a rather sensative balancing act, as i've made clear in my poems.
now to address your poem: in my personal opinion, when you pour your heart into a poem, i don't think you can write a bad poem; but perhaps you can write better poems as your thoughts become better organized in time.
your poem has a clear message that's easy to read:
memories were made
with the love displayed
but a price was paid
happiness did fade
i'm not a great critic either, so i just speak my mind
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you and I'm glad the message was clearly understood!
A sad story in the poem.
"No I won't forget
But I'll forgive."
Forgiveness must be given. Hard to forget. A powerful poem. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Forgiveness transcends the soul to the higher level...
Very well written poem. Impressive work here.
The ale is a sad one but it seems part of many lives, none the less, the pain is a great one.
Any such tragic loss is.
I enjoy this poem a lot, I recently wrote a poem called that night which is based in September of a similar concept, you should check it out if you'd like. I also enjoy the deepness the symbolism provides on an emotion scale. very nice work!
Beautiful poem. Well organized, well thought out creation. As I am not a good critic at all but to speak the truth , it is awesome to me. Eagerly waiting for the next work.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you so much! Even the words of praise can be motivating!
I really like how you've incorporated the feel of autumn in the poem. I couldfeel the blowing orange leaves, the inky skies, lined with platinum clouds that thunder and roar at night... the feel of a love lost..of a relationship spent...the memories, the apologies, the empty promises... rather like the september rains...
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Fall brings in so many things, feelings...
like you 'fall' in love and you 'fall' out of it!read moreFall brings in so many things, feelings...
like you 'fall' in love and you 'fall' out of it!
in a similar situation myself. not calling it quits yet, but after four years, my wife and I are engaged in a rather sensative balancing act, as i've made clear in my poems.
now to address your poem: in my personal opinion, when you pour your heart into a poem, i don't think you can write a bad poem; but perhaps you can write better poems as your thoughts become better organized in time.
your poem has a clear message that's easy to read:
memories were made
with the love displayed
but a price was paid
happiness did fade
i'm not a great critic either, so i just speak my mind
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you and I'm glad the message was clearly understood!
Hi,
I'm a debut author of FACE - A Journey Beyond Time And Space. It is a young adult, fantasy, thriller.
You can get it here,
Barnes & Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/face-rucha-joshi/11232.. more..