The Girl with Freckles

The Girl with Freckles,

Oh what a delight

Her hair as brown as chocolate

Her smile as bright as a diamond

Her eyes as bright as the stars of the night

When I met you

just some forty-five days before,

I was lost, hurt, and looking

for a way out of my misery

I knew it wasn't going to be easy,

It never is

But when I saw you,

everything changed

A light had shown from

up above, only the kind of light

that shines on an Angel

Your brown hair,

Star gazers for eyes,

and warm smile

Lead me to believe

that you are the

one for me

The Girl with Freckles

Author's Note

Here's my edit of the poem. Let me know what you think of this version.

Reviews

[Jessalynn]

AWW! I really liked this poem. Reminds me how meeting someone new can just turn your world upside down for the better sometimes. But if I could make one suggestion I would change bright to brilliant in line five to you don't have bright twice so close to each other. This poem is awesome as is though ;)

[Kira]

I really like this, it's something I can imagine an innocent boy saying to a pretty girl. Maybe trying to woo her. This makes me like really happy to read.

[Brittany Bostic]

This is very pretty and unique in the way you describe her.

[zunie frost]

This poem is great . really it's very well written..... thanks for sharing such a lovely poetry ....

[JMKane117]

Seems like something a young boy would think, a mix of sweetness and innocence. The voice in this poem is particularly well done. The only thing you may want to fix is (Her smile as infectious as the plague). That line doesn't suit the tenderness of the poem. Imagine what a plague-ridden mouth would look like. You should try and find something else, like infectious as love, or cooddies. Wonderful poem though. :)

[Bare trees]

Her smile as infectious as the plague? That sounds really odd comparison seeing how so many died of the plague. The poem itself is fine.

[Archana]

A sweet piece Jordan...thanks for sharing. It made me put a smile throughout as I read it.

[zaisham9393]

I think this is really sweet and genuine piece.thanks for sharing :))!

[Anna]

I feel your poem is quite sweet, as others have said. It's very gentle. The only see one thing that you might fix.

"for a way out of my misery
and looking for a way to end the mystery of my unlucky love"

There is nothing really wrong with this line, rather than it is longer than the rest, and doesn't seem to fit to the style of the poem. But the poem was nice regardless.

[Jenna Kay]

This is so sweet! I had such I clear image in my head. I could almost see the look on his face as he looked at the one he loved. So beautiful :) great work!!